Soap & Water

A foul-smelling package that led to the evacuation of a post office next to the Smithsonian's National Postal Museum turned out to be the “johnson” of a nearby homeless man who hadn’t showered in 18 days.

"No wonder it smelled," said Deborah Yackley, a spokeswoman for the U.S. Postal Service. "it was worse than my panties after a marathon."

A postal worker alerted police shortly before 11 a.m. after seeing the homeless man approach a counter with no one around. The man had no postage and no address.

District of Columbia police bomb technicians X-rayed the man’s package and a hazardous materials team inspected it before determining that it was just dirty and smelly, not dangerous. The erection, UHH – I MEAN THE EVACUATION lasted several hours.