Thursday, March 26, 2009

What Microsoft Doesn't Know

Apparently Microsoft doesn’t know there are people named Tony...

(Spell)Check yo' self - Fool!

A Savage Beast

A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in prison.

Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing.

The 29-year-old from Michigan, was sentenced Wednesday at Saginaw County Circuit Court.

Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure last month.

Police say Savage was arrested after a resident called officers early on Oct. 16 to report suspicious activity at a car wash in Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.

Savage's attorney, Philip Sturtz, didn't immediately return a message seeking comment.

The Sexy Accomplice:

If The Shue Fits...

Twenty years ago this week, a pair of previously unknown scientists stunned the world by announcing they'd done the impossible by achieving nuclear fusion in a lab flask at room temperature.

Martin Fleischmann and Stanley Pons quickly became celebrities as the news media hailed them for discovering a cheap source of nearly limitless power. But it all fell apart as other scientists couldn't duplicate their results, and the pair later admitted they'd made mistakes in the experiments.

Now a U.S. Navy researcher, speaking on the anniversary of their announcement and in the same city where they made it, thinks Fleischmann and Pons may have been right.

In a paper presented on Monday, chemist Pamela Mosier-Boss told the annual convention of the American Chemical Society in Salt Lake City that her team had gotten "very significant" evidence of some sort of nuclear reaction.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Maaayyyoooorrr!


Vick's Vaporub

Suspended NFL star Michael Vick has left a federal lockup in Kansas, apparently bound for Virginia for a bankruptcy hearing next week.

The U.S. Bureau of Prisons Web site shows that Vick is no longer at the federal penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kan. It lists his status as "in transit."

It's not clear when he left, or where he is right now. But two weeks ago, a bankruptcy judge in Newport News, Va. ordered the former Atlanta Falcons quarterback to testify at an April 2nd hearing on his Chapter 11 reorganization plan.


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Friends...


Gas Attack

An eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus for three days after being accused of passing gas. The bus driver wrote on a misbehavior form that a 15-year-old teen passing gas on the bus Monday to make the other children laugh, creating a stench so bad that it was difficult to breathe. The bus driver handed the teen the suspension form the next day.

Polk County school officials said there's no rule against flatulence, but there are rules against causing a disturbance on the bus.

The teen said he wasn't the one passing gas.

Whether he did it or not, he might have gotten off easy. A 13-year-old student at a Stuart school was arrested in November after authorities said he broke wind in class.

On A Wing And A Prayer

A parrot whose cries of alarm alerted his owner when a little girl choked on her breakfast has been honored as a hero.

Willie, a Quaker parrot, has been given the local Red Cross chapter's Animal Lifesaver Award.

In November, Willie's owner, Megan Howard, was baby-sitting for a toddler. Howard left the room and the little girl, Hannah, started to choke on her breakfast.

Willie repeatedly yelled "Mama, baby" and flapped his wings, and Howard returned in time to find the girl already turning blue.

Howard saved Hannah by performing the Heimlich maneuver but said Willie "is the real hero."

Willie got his award during a "Breakfast of Champions" event last Friday.

Super Dave

A bachelor for most of his life is a bachelor no more.

Dave got married - to Regina Lasko.

Here's the transcript from tonight's show:

“On Thursday, at 3 PM, March 19, 2009 at the Teton County Courthouse in Choteau, Montana, I was married to Regina Lasko.”

“Regina and I began dating in February of 1986, and I said, ‘Well, things are going pretty good, let’s just see what happens in about ten years….’”“…I had avoided getting married pretty good for, like, 23 years, and I - honestly, whether this happened or not - I secretly felt that men who were married admired me…like I was the last of the real gunslingers, you know what I’m saying?”

“So now, we get ready to go and we’ve got to drive into the courthouse and it’s muddy, and we’re supposed to be there at 2, and it’s me, Regina and Harry in the truck, in the pickup truck…So we get two miles from the house and we get stuck in the mud – I mean, turn the truck over, stuck in the mud. So now we think, ‘Well, somebody’ll come– no, nobody comes along. Nobody comes along – it’s Thursday afternoon, who’s coming along, Zorro? No, nobody – so I get out of the truck and I walk two miles back to the house into a 50 mile an hour wind. It’s not Beverly Hills, it’s Montana, for God’s sakes. And the whole way, I’m thinking, ‘See, smart ass, see, see, you try to get married, this is what happens. See, well, you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself. Could have happened any other day, but you wait now, see, this is what you get.’ So then we get in the car and Harry says, ‘Are we still going into town?’ and I said, ‘Yes, we are,’ and he gets very upset because mom had told him if I wasn’t back in an hour, the deal was off.”

Monday, March 23, 2009

Ashton Kutcher's Future Bride?

Bruce Willis has tied the knot for the second time.

The actor's publicity agency, Rogers & Cowan, says in a statement Sunday that the 54-year-old Willis married Emma Heming in a small, private ceremony at his home in Parrot Cay in the Turks & Caicos Islands.

The couple met through mutual friends more than a year ago.

This is the first marriage for Heming, a 30-year-old model/actress.

Willis is seen here staring at Heming after she just broke curfew....again.
Once a father, always a father...?!?

Owls Lose

The tourney will never be the same....

Friday, March 20, 2009

Putin On The Ritz

A picture has emerged apparently showing Russia's Prime Minister Vladimir Putin in his former days as a KGB officer.

The 20-year old photo depicts two world leaders – U.S. President Ronald Reagan and the Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev — in Moscow. But, according to the man who took the photo, it also captures Putin disguised as a tourist.

Pete Souza, now President Obama's official photographer, captured the moment when he worked for President Reagan during the political thaw that soon ended the Cold War.

Reagan took a stroll around Red Square accompanied by the Russian leader, who then introduced him to a group of tourists.

In an interview, Souza recounted being surprised at the "pointed" questions these supposed tourists asked the U.S. leader. They included searching inquiries on the state of human rights in the U.S.

The identity of the man on the left of the photo — complete with camera round his neck — was later revealed and "verified" to Souza as none other than Putin.

The planting of KGB officers as bystanders was a common practice in Soviet times. During the tense stand-off of the Cold War, they would be used to challenge foreign leaders during visits to Russia.

OK! Spider

One of the most deadly spiders in the world was found in the produce section of an upscale Oklahoma grocery store.

An employee of Whole Foods Market in Tulsa discovered what an expert said was a Brazilian Wandering Spider in a bunch of bananas from Honduras on Sunday and managed to catch it in a container.

The spider was given to University of Tulsa animal facilities director Terry Childs, who identified the arachnid and said that type of spider is one of the most lethal in the world.

Childs said a bite will kill a person in about 25 minutes, and while there is an antidote, he doesn't know of any in the Tulsa area.

But a Tulsa Zoo official disputed the findings, saying his analysis through video and photos he'd seen led him to believe that it was a Huntsman spider — which is harmless to humans.

Childs said Wednesday night that he had destroyed the spider at the urging of a university administrator because of safety concerns.

A school spokesman said Thursday that the university is looking into how and why the spider was destroyed.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,509876,00.html

It's Just Candy....Smoke It!

Doctors are warning kids across the country to stop "smoking Smarties" -- a fad they say can lead to infections, chronic coughing, choking and even maggots feeding off sugary dust in your nose.

Adolescents and teens have been crushing and inhaling candy, and then exhaling it, in an effort to look as though they’re smoking cigarettes, the Wall Street Journal reported Friday.

Health experts fear the behavior may lead to harmful conditions. Some kids have already shown signs of developing a “smoker’s cough.” Oren Friedman, a Mayo Clinic nose specialist, cautioned that frequent use could lead to infections or even worse, albeit rare, conditions, such as maggots inside the nose.

The trend came as a surprise to officials at Summit Middle School in Frisco, Colo., in the fall when a clique of sixth graders started “smoking” Smarties -- a popular, disk-shaped sugar candy.

Though they call it “smoking,” the kids aren’t actually lighting a match to the candy. Instead, they crush it into a fine powder in its wrapper, draw it into their mouths and then blow it out in a cloud of dust.

The problem is happening all over the country — and Smarties isn’t the only candy of concern, said Eric Ostrow, vice president of sales and marketing at Ce De Candy Inc., which manufactures Smarties in Union, N.J.

“It can be done with anything made with sugar and compressed — Necco Wafers, Conversation Hearts, SweeTarts, Lik-M-Aid is already pulverized and so is Pixy Styx,” Ostrow told the Journal. “I don’t want to be complimented that we’re the number one choice.”

It's Christmas In March!!!

tumf
T mothafuckin U
!

Yay!

THE FIRST DAY OF SPRING!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Yeah...I Watched It...

...and I think it is safe to say that we're better off WITHOUT Ted.


...but as with any 'pilot'- I like to give it 3 episodes.

Ted lives......for now.

It' On (Demand..)!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Getting Hot...

A Delaware County prosecutor this morning named former Eagles running back Correll Buckhalter among the reported clients of an alleged drug dealer during opening arguments of a trial.

Deputy District Attorney Katayoun M. Copeland, addressing the jury, said that Styles N. Beckles, 36, of Clifton Heights, had told police that he sold drugs to pro athletes, including Buckhalter and Keita Crespina, a former Temple University football player.

No charges have been filed against Buckhalter or Crespina.

Buckhalter, 30, spent eight years with the Eagles before the Denver Broncos signed him to a four-year deal this month.

When police pulled over Beckles in his silver Toyota Echo, he was found to have 115 glass vials of marijuana, the affidavit said. At his home, police allegedly found 487 glass vials of marijuana buds, digital scales, other drug paraphernalia, and more than $1,300 in cash.

Sweet Hump

It's beautiful day...
Enjoy an Iced Coffee...
OR DIE!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Lil' Round Up?!?

Aside from Paula Abdul, the producers of “American Idol” have one more loudmouth to deal with on the set.

One of the hit show’s staffers is running around telling anyone who’ll listen that the team of producers and judges has already picked the final four contestants — despite the fact that 11 kids are still battling to be the latest pop star.

The female “AI” worker told a “group of people that the last four are going to be Danny Gokey, Lil Rounds, Adam Lambert and Alexis Grace,” said our insider. Asked if this was opinion or actual fact, the staffer vehemently retorted, “Those ARE the people,” saying it wasn’t mere speculation.

If it was just her prediction, she’d be spot-on with this week’s TV Guide, which also chose those exact four wanna-be crooners as its picks for stardom. But the lass took it a step further, claiming that higher-ups at the hit Fox show were taking an issue with two of the top contenders.

“Adam Lambert and Lil Rounds are better singers and musicians than Gokey and Grace, but they’re too much like past winners and ‘A’ successes,” the woman said. “Adam’s too close in style and sound to Chris Daughtry, while Lil Rounds is a dead ringer for Fantasia. Even their background stories are similar!

“The producers really want it to be Danny or Alexis. They think they’re very commercially viable, have a good image and a great story.”

Gokey’s sorrowful story of the death of his wife, Sophia, during heart surgery a month before his audition is “a huge reason viewers are tuning in,” said the staffer. “Fox likes the attention that he’s getting, and they’ve taken to giving Danny much more airtime as a result.”

Fox’s reps had no comment on the allegations.

The Big Gig In The Sky

His name is Falcor, and he's not a dog persay, he's a luck dragon.

Did You Watch?

What did you think...?
I'm interested- I have no idea where they are gonna go here, but I'm interested.
(...it doesn't take much...)

T motherfuckin U!

A-10 Champs...Again!
Dancin'...Again!
GO TU!
(Arizona State sucks donkey balls)

Pittsburgh Will Never Be The Same

There's something missing when D. Brown and Erock leave a city...
I know you felt it too...

Friday, March 13, 2009

2 Live Crew

FMB would like to welcome two guests to the 'Burgh!
Darwin Brown
Erik May
Happy St. Patty's Day celebration!

GO OWLS!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Jurisdiction Over What?

A man accused of driving drunk said Pennsylvania courts have no jurisdiction over him because he's his own country. After seeing the paperwork that 44-year-old Scott Allan Witmer filed with the court claiming sovereignty, a Northampton County judge said Tuesday he cannot be released from jail until he gets a mental exam.

Witmer, who represented himself, said he believes police lack jurisdiction to pull him over. As he said in court: "I live inside myself, not in Pennsylvania." He said there is no victim in the crime and asked to go to trial.

Defense attorney James Connell, Witmer's standby counsel, said a challenge to the traffic stop would need to be filed as a pretrial motion.

Got Time For Lincoln?

For nearly 150 years, a story has circulated about a hidden Civil War message engraved inside Abraham Lincoln's pocket watch. On Tuesday, museum curators confirmed it was true. A watchmaker used tiny tools to carefully pry open the antique watch at the National Museum of American History, and a descendant of the engraver read aloud the message from a metal plate underneath the watch face.

"Jonathan Dillon April 13 - 1861," part of the inscription reads, "Fort Sumpter (sic) was attacked by the rebels on the above date." Another part reads, "Thank God we have a government."

The words were etched in tiny cursive handwriting and filled the the space between tiny screws and gears that jutted through the metal plate. A magnifying glass was required to read them.

Dillon's story was passed down among his family and friends, eventually reaching a New York Times reporter. In a 1906 article in the paper, an 84-year-old Dillon said no one, including Lincoln, ever saw the inscription as far as he knew.

Dillon had a fuzzy recollection of what he had engraved. He told the newspaper he had written: "The first gun is fired. Slavery is dead. Thank God we have a president who at least will try."

For years the story went unconfirmed....

Carl Sr.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Carl Jr.

Pootie Tang!

Pootie Tang: Dirty Dee, you're a baddy daddy lamatai tebby chai! Sa da tay!
Pootie Tang: See, my damie, Pootie Tang don't wa-da-tah to the shama cow... 'cause thats a cama cama leepa-chaiii, dig?

How Sick Is This?

North Pole Sunset

Losing Faith

What once used to be a strong part of my 'rotation' (Thanks to Cheeseman...) has slowly become a joke and an overall bore to watch.
The good episodes are just too few and far between....

I think it's time to move on....
Any thoughts?

Friday, March 6, 2009

Which Do You Prefer?

HORSE
-or-
MOOSE
Either way....HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEEREN!
F'n 30.

Moving On

Out with the old...
Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern
Travel Channel
and in with the new.
Anthony Bourdain's 'No Reservations'
Travel Channel

In a sense, one has become the other....in the best way possible.
FMB recommends them both, but recently prefers the latter.

Playtime Or Overtime...?

Anchin, Block & Anchin
These accountants have it good....
C.K. (huge 'Bones' fan) says hello.