Only To Find Gideons Bible

A woman killed a raccoon with her bare hands Thursday.

Officials with Cheshire animal control say the woman was walking in the woods around 11 a.m. with a group of children when the animal bit the 5-year-old son of a friend.

She pulled the raccoon off the child, told the children to run home and strangled the animal, authorities said.

"She had the presence of mind to choke it," animal control officer April Leiler told the Record-Journal of Meriden. "She is one tough lady."

In My Spare Time...

Green Bay police are again looking for a naked man who has been running through yards wearing only a ski mask to cover his face. Police in Green Bay and nearby Appleton have investigated about 60 similar reports over the past two years. They believe the same man is responsible.

The most recent incident happened just after midnight Thursday on Green Bay's east side.

A 29-year-old woman said she had been sitting in her living room working on her laptop when she noticed a naked man outside her window. She went to see if her door was locked and the man ran off, police said.

The man has been described as thin and white.

Police said the incident might be connected to one that happened Wednesday night in Allouez.

Three children in a home reported seeing a man wearing only a bandanna outside their glass patio door about 11 p.m., police said.

OH SHIT!

-Oh no he dit-ent!?!

Tranny Panda

A panda once believed to be male and sent to Japan to breed with a female without success gave birth to twin cubs this week, state media reported on Thursday.

The panda, "Jinzhu", gave birth to two female cubs on Monday at the Wolong Nature Reserve in the mountainous southwestern province of Sichuan, 11 years after being declared male at birth in 1996, Xinhua news agency said.

Jinzhu was sent to Japan in 2000 to mate with a female, the report said.

"When the pandas showed complete disinterest, experts decided to turn to artificial insemination, leading to the discovery that Jinzhu had no penis," it added.

"The penis of an adult panda is only about 3 centimeters (1.2 inches) long," Xinhua quoted Li Deshen, a panda expert, as saying, as a possible reason for the mix-up.

Jinzhu subsequently mated with a male in March 2007 and gave birth 142 days later, Xinhua said.

Who's That Girl?

Gwyneth Paltrow took a hiatus from the bright lights of Hollywood to raise her two children, but now the Oscar winning actress is preparing to step back into the spotlight.

The former industry darling has marked return with a glamorous cover-shoot for American magazine W.

Her tousled mother-on-the-run hair was replaced by a sleek blonde mane and her usually alabaster, make-up free look was given a rather dramatic bronze and polish for the cover.

Delicious.

Quien es esa niña, who's that girl

Señorita mas fina, who's that girl

Shock The Monkey

Authorities captured a diaper-wearing monkey who led them on a downtown search after biting a woman.

The 20-year-old woman reported being bitten on the thumb as she tried to pet the animal early Wednesday.

The bite sent the woman to the hospital, where a physician said the monkey should be found so that it could be quarantined to determine if it has a disease.

By 7:15 a.m., police found the man and the monkey. But the man lost the handle on the monkey before an animal control officer arrived and it got loose.

Police issued a warning to the public of the foot-tall monkey with a long prehensile tail: "It is now on the lam, presumably still in the State Street area."

About seven hours later, the monkey was captured and taken into custody downtown to be quarantined for 10 days, police said.

It's A Twister!!!

No! Not that kind…

Strong winds and heavy rainstorms tore through the Big Apple early Wednesday, killing one person and wreaking havoc on the region's transit system and causing delays at two major airports.

The Sunset Park neighborhood in Brooklyn lost as many as 40 percent of its trees, according to Commissioner Joe Bruno of the city Office of Emergency Management.

"I never thought this would happen in Brooklyn. ... Kansas maybe, but not here."

The NWS said a tornado first touched down about 6:30 a.m., damaged trees, then lifted, tearing off the roof of the Nissan dealership. It returned to the ground farther northeast, the weather service said, causing more tree damage.

It touched down a third time in another area, ripping the roofs off five homes and causing more tree damage. By that point, meteorologists said, its winds had died down to 100 mph.

Excuse Me, Sir....?!?

A man smuggled a monkey onto an airplane Tuesday, stashing the furry fist-size primate under his hat until passengers spotted it perched on his ponytail, an airline official said.

The monkey escapade began in Lima, Peru, late Monday, when the man boarded a flight to Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

During the flight, people around the man noticed that the marmoset had emerged from underneath his hat, Russell said.

"Other passengers asked the man if he knew he had a monkey on him," she said.

The monkey spent the remainder of the flight in the man's seat and behaved well, said Russell, who didn't know how it skirted customs and security.

Airport police were waiting for the man and his monkey when the plane landed about 3 p.m., and the man was taken away for questioning.

"It is kind of a spirited monkey," Russell said. "That will be the nickname of the monkey: Spirit."

Don't Waste A Good Mood

Germany's national railway wasn't about to risk sending a trainload of soccer fans to a German Cup match without beer.

Federal police said Monday that the beer tap failed aboard a special train carrying Bayer Leverkusen fans to Hamburg on Saturday. The fault was discovered half an hour into the journey.

"In order not to endanger the good mood" of the passengers, railway officials halted the train in Wuppertal for 25 minutes and had a replacement part delivered by taxi, a police statement said.

It added that there was no trouble among the fans.

Finger Eleven - Paralyzer

Finger On, Finger Eleven! This song was much better before I saw the video. Oh well...