WWIII

Animal rights campaigners in Germany have called on Berlin's Zoo to kill a baby polar bear that has been rejected by its mother rather than have it raised by humans. I agree. Kill the “Kraut”.

The three-month-old polar bear cub has captured the hearts of many Germans. But when you put “captured” and “Germans” in the same sentence, things usually end bad. Baby Knut and his twin brother were born in December, so they’re both Sagittarius’. Sagittarius’ are known for their teaching abilities, but what is Knut gonna teach the world? How to eat fish or sleep?!?! We already have sushi and beds, something little Knutty can’t say. Kill the “Kraut”.

They were rejected by their mother and were left exposed to freezing temperatures, so besides being a “frigid bitch” –so to speak-, she probably knew what she was doing. Since then, Knut has been nurtured by a keeper who has slept by his side and bottle-fed him. Quit playing mommy, and kill the “Kraut”.

Knut’s father is seen below. Hurry and kill the bear!! Before it’s too late…

A True Role Model

SNL isn't funny, but this was.

Go Ease

"UNDER-EASE"

ANTI-FLATULENCE UNDERWEAR

Revolutionary New Underwear For Offensive Gas

http://www.under-tec.com/index.php

A Real Product for a Real Problem.

Scott Baio To Marry!

(*correction: Bao Xishun to marry*)

After searching high and low – mostly high –, the world's tallest man has married a woman two-thirds his height, a Chinese newspaper reported Wednesday.

Rejoice!

Bao Xishun, a 7-foot-9-inch (2.36-meter) herdsman (a fellow shepherd!?!) from Inner Mongolia, married saleswoman Xia Shujian, who was 5 feet 6 inches (1.68 meters) tall, several days ago, the Beijing New reported. Bao's 28-year-old bride is half his age and pretty much half his height.

She hails from his hometown of Chifeng, even though marriage advertisements were sent around the world. I guess when your 7-foot-9 inches tall “marriage advertisements” are the way to go. The newspaper said that, "the effort has been finally paid off after a long and careful selection.”

You may remember Bao most from the breaking news in December, when he used his long arms to save two dolphins at a local zoo by pulling out plastic from their stomachs.

“He’s a true hero for saving the dolphins,” said Scott Baio when reached for comment, “but the only time I’ve been involved with the Chinese was a crazy weekend in Bangkok-if you know what I mean…!?!”

We sure do, Scott. We sure do.

Life. (in 90 seconds)

Ben takes a photo of himself everyday. EVERY DAY. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

The Tangled Web We Weave

The Garden City Police Department reports the details of an arrest for Criminal Sale of a controlled substance that occurred on March 13, 2007 at 9:45 p.m. in Garden City.

Garden City Detectives report that the defendant, Joshua W. O'Neil, 32, posted an ad on Craigs List that he would supply cocaine to any female in the area that would respond to the ad.

Garden City Detectives Robert Rothermel and Kevin Madden responded to the ad.

They requested assistance from a female Nassau County Narcotics Detective and a meeting was arranged. The defendant agreed to exchange crack cocaine for sexual favors. The officer met with the defendant and he was placed under arrest when a quantity of alleged crack cocaine was recovered in the defendant’s vehicle.

Joshua O'Neil was charged with Criminal Sale of a Controlled Substance 3rd degree. Criminal Possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell. The defendant was arraigned at First District Court and held in $10,000 bail with a hearing scheduled for Friday March 23rd.

Panty Raid!!

A man (not pictured above) was charged with theft and burglary after police said they found 93 pounds of women's panties, brassieres and other underwear at his home. Investigators believe Garth M. Flaherty, 24, took as many as 1,500 undergarments from apartment complex laundry rooms before he was caught, police Cmdr. Chris Tennant said. A man was seen taking underwear from two laundry rooms Saturday, a witness recorded his license number, and Flaherty was identified from photographs, Tennant said.

Police found enough underwear in his bedroom to fill five garbage bags, Tennant said. "He said he had a problem," Tennant said.

When asked if the victims would get their unmentionables back……"Would you really want them back?" he asked. "I would say not."

I'm pretty sure that if you have 93 pounds of anything….ANYTHING!....you have a problem. I think this proves it?!?!

"The Brother Can't Drive."

So said comic Eddie Griffin after crashing a rare Ferrari Enzo worth $1.5 million. The “Undercover Brother” was taking part in a promotional charity race at the Irwindale Speedway when he drove too fast around a curve. A publicist said Griffin walked away completely unscratched, but probably a little shaken." The car's owner said it was totaled. Only 400 Ferrari Enzos were ever produced, all between 2002 and 2004.

Breaking News. (or so they say...)

You see something like this:

Punk rocker jailed over fatal stabbing

And you get to thinking, “oh shit, who the hell is that?”……

Then you read this:

LOS ANGELES, California -- The singer with defunct punk rock band Mest was jailed on suspicion of murder in Los Angeles Sunday after police said he confessed to stabbing his ex-girlfriend's new lover.

Tony Lovato, 26, was held on $1 million bail after telling police that he was assaulted earlier in the day by Wayne Hughes, 25, in the underground parking lot of an apartment building in the suburb of Studio City.

MEST?!?! Who the F is MEST? Why does anyone think I would care about their lead singer? Jail? Good. Great. They probably sucked anyway…

Mest, which formed in suburban Chicago, recorded four albums for Madonna's Maverick Records before breaking up in early 2006. Its last album, 2005's "Photographs," peaked at No. 116 on the U.S. album charts.

116? Come on! K-Fed had a better career then these fools……

Lean, Green And On The Screen. Again.

The Ninja Turtles are back, and they're winning. Again. (Don’t worry-April O’Neil and Splinter are there too.)

The Warner Brothers adventure "TMNT," a computer-animated update of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" comics, cartoons and 1990s live-action movies, debuted as the top weekend flick with $25.45 million in ticket sales, according to studio estimates Sunday.

• “300” came in second and will most likely bore me for 300 more weeks
• “Shooter” pulled into third place and somehow has nothing to do with Shooter McGavin!?!
• “The Last Mimzy”, although fantastically titled, stalled in fifth
• “Reign Over Me”, Adam Sandler’s lastest lame movie, came up lame for a 8-spot
• “Pride” a fantastic documentary on swimming lions finished their lap in ninth.

I’ll leave you with a few words from Splinter, mutant rat, master and father figure of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

Splinter: Death comes for us all, Oroku Saki, but something much worse comes for you. For when you die, it will be
[Shredder throws a hidden knife; Splinter catches it, releasing the spear and letting Shredder fall from the building and land in the back of a garbage truck]
Splinter: ...Without honor.