When 'Crazy' Becomes 'Unbelievable'

As the Coast Guard ended its search for three missing football players whose boat tipped over in high Florida seas, the lone survivor said two of those lost gave up after hours in the frigid water and the third tried to swim to safety.

South Florida player Nick Schuyler told investigators that all four of the friends on a fishing excursion were initially wearing life vests and clinging to the 21-foot boat belonging to Oakland Raiders linebacker Marquis Cooper.

But two to four hours after the boat capsized, one of the NFL players removed his life jacket and let himself be swept out to sea, the St. Petersburg Times reported. A few hours later, the other one followed suit.

"We were told that Nick said the two NFL players took their life jackets off and drifted out to sea," said Bob Bleakley, whose son Will Bleakley, 25, is also still missing.

After Cooper, 26, and Corey Smith, 29, were carried away, Bleakley and Schuyler hung on until morning — but then Bleakley decided to swim to get help when he thought he saw a distant light, the paper said.

He, too, took his life vest off, 24-year-old Schuyler told the families.

"I think he was delusional to think he could swim someplace," the Times quoted Bob Bleakley as saying.

My Hero

Jason Mesnick is not only my hero, but he's a genius. He figured out a way to 'bang' (please pardon my fuckin' vulgarity) both of the last two girls.

Not only that....he didn't have to marry either one.

Well played, Bachelor (for life). Well played.

Square Root Day!

Dust off the slide rules and recharge the calculators. Square Root Day is upon us.

The math-buffs' holiday, which only occurs nine times each century, falls on Tuesday, 3/3/09 (for the mathematically challenged, three is the square root of nine).

"These days are like calendar comets, you wait and wait and wait for them, then they brighten up your day , and poof , they're gone," said Ron Gordon, a Redwood City teacher who started a contest meant to get people excited about the event.

The winner gets, of course, $339 for having the biggest Square Root Day event.

Gordon's daughter even set up a Facebook page, one of a half-dozen or so dedicated to the holiday, and hundreds of people had signed up with plans to celebrate in some way. Celebrations are as varied: Some cut root vegetables into squares, others make food in the shape of a square root symbol.

The last such day was five years ago, Feb. 2, 2004, which coincided with Groundhog Day. The next is seven years away, on April 4, 2016.

He's Got 'The Fever'...

Excessive Ping Pong Celebration | Viral | SPIKE.com

Sell Out

Frozen steak sandwich in a boil-in bag?

It doesn't exactly have the mouth-watering appeal that comes from the sound of thin steak sizzling on a griddle and, oh my, the aroma of those onions frying next to it.

But after nearly two years - and more than 100 attempts - South Philly sandwich impresario Tony Lucidonio Jr. says he has found the winning formula for preparing frozen cheesesteak sandwiches for sale in grocery stores that won't result in something gross when popped in the microwave oven and/or boiled - the meat, that is. Never boil the roll.

The discovery, made less than two months ago, paves the way for the sale of Tony Luke's cheesesteak, roast-pork and chicken cheesesteak sandwiches in grocery stores across the nation.

Don't be fooled. He is not suggesting that what you'll soon find in your grocer's frozen-food aisle could masquerade for the right-off-the-griddle, wrapped-in-grease-stained-paper original.

"Is it as good as a steak I just pulled off my grill? No," said Lucidonio, who also acts and sings. "But is it the best frozen steak? It is the closest thing you will get to having someone cook on a flat-top griddle."

Next: Toe Jam

One of life's greatest mysteries has now been solved.

Georg Steinhauser, a young, affable Austrian chemist, spent three years gazing at his own navel — and those of friends and family as well — to discover how exactly we get belly-button lint.

"Abdominal hair is mainly responsible for the accumulation of navel lint," proclaims Steinhauser in the abstract to his paper, presented in the online version of the journal Medical Hypotheses. "Therefore, this is a typically male phenomenon. The abdominal hair collects fibers from cotton shirts and directs them into the navel where they are compacted to a felt-like matter."

That's in keeping with a medium-scale Australian study cited by London's Daily Telegraph, which found that the average bearer of navel lint was "a slightly overweight middle-aged male with a hairy abdomen."

Steinhauser collected a whopping 503 pieces of navel lint during his research, presumably in his spare time and on his own dime. He also noticed that "old T-shirts or dress shirts produce less navel fuzz than brand new T-shirts."

So now that we know how it forms, the next question is — why?

Fuck It

Pay no attention to that eerie silence in the nation's most populous county this week; it will simply be the sound of 10 million people not cussing.

At least that's the result McKay Hatch is hoping for once his campaign to clear the air is recognized by the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors.

On Tuesday, the board is scheduled to issue a proclamation by Supervisor Michael Antonovich making the first week in March No Cussing Week.

That would mean no blue language from the Mojave desert, where it gets hot as $&# in the summer, to the Pacific Ocean, where on a winter's day it can get colder and nastier than %$#!

Not that 15-year-old Hatch expects complete compliance. When his No Cussing Club meets at South Pasadena High School on Wednesdays it's not unusual for a nonmember to throw open the door and fire off a torrent of four-letter words. He's also been the target of organized harassment by pro-cussers.

And Antonovich's county motion carries no penalties.

"But it's a good reminder for all of us, not just young people but everybody, to be respectful to one another and watch the words we use," said the supervisor's spokesman, Tony Bell.

Nice Rack

A 20-year-old woman faces drug charges after police found cocaine and marijuana hidden in her bra. Buffalo County police notified authorities in Winona Thursday that a car headed their way may have been involved in a drug deal.

A Winona officer pulled over the vehicle and searched the woman. Deputy Chief Tom Williams said that turned up about 100 grams of marijuana and 4.25 grams of cocaine in her bra. He says she was also carrying about $600 in cash.

Cat And Mouse

A man who tried to mellow out his cat by stuffing her into a homemade bong is facing criminal charges. Authorities cited a 20-year-old man on suspicion of animal cruelty Sunday after catching him smoking marijuana from a contraption that had a cat stuffed inside its 12-inch by 6-inch base. The man told sheriff's deputies the 6-month-old female named Shadow had been hyper and that he was trying to calm her down.

The cat was taken to the Capital Humane Society, where she appeared to be in good condition Monday, executive director Bob Downey said.

Deputies discovered the cat trapped in the device after responding to a domestic disturbance call at a residence the suspect shares with his grandfather, Sgt. Andy Stebbing said.

Deputies resolved the dispute and left the house, but they returned minutes later after discovering there was an arrest warrant on the suspect for possession of drug paraphernalia.

Upon re-entering the house, Stebbing said, deputies saw the suspect smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose attached to the duct-taped, plastic glass box, in which the cat had been stuffed.

"This cat was just dazed," Stebbing said. "She was on the front seat of the cop car, wrapped in a blanket, and never moved all the way to the humane society."

The suspect was cited for misdemeanor animal cruelty and taken to the Lancaster County Jail on the arrest warrant. He was released after paying a $400 fine.

Now he faces new charges for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia stemming from Sunday.

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