I'm Back

Oral Exam

Police say a Bartow High School student hoping to improve her math grades through extra credit instead got a lewd request from her teacher.

Isaac Nathan Tillis was arrested after repeatedly telling student she could earn an "A" if she gave him oral sex. He lured the girl into a teacher's lounge bathroom on Wednesday, but once inside police and the girl sprung a trap.

The 16-year-old was wearing a hidden listening device, which recorded Tillis' proposition after he dropped his pants, police say. The 29-year-old teacher had also scribbled his request on a hall pass, an arrest report states.

Officers arrested Tillis and charged him with soliciting a lewd sex act from a minor.

Papa Smurf?

Paul Karason was fair skinned and freckled 14 years ago — before he developed a bad case of dermatitis caused by stress.

When it got so bad that the skin on his face began to peel and crack he started using a substance called colloidal silver. The product is reportedly made by extracting silver from metal into water with an electrical current and it is then taken as a drink.

But the 57-year-old said drinking the potion did not cause his skin to discolor — the change in hue happened when he rubbed the potion directly onto his face.

"The change was so gradual that I didn't perceive it and other people around me likewise," he said. "It wasn't until a friend I hadn't seen in several months came by my parents' place to see me and he asked me 'What did you do?'"

His girlfriend, Jackie Northup, added: "The only time now I really think about it or notice it is if we're out in public and people start staring."

Karason has moved from Oregon to California hoping to find acceptance and escape Gargamel…but said: "I do tend to avoid public places as much as I can."

Lonely Police

The Armageddon Prophecy

Lamar Roberts, 17, and Heather Trujillo, 16, were charged as adults on one count each of felony child abuse causing death, state prosecutor Robert Miller said in court documents released Wednesday and filed a day earlier.

The teens were baby-sitting Trujillo's 7-year-old half-sister, Zoe Garcia, on Dec. 6 while the girl's mother was at work. Zoe lost consciousness and stopped breathing after the teens hit, kicked and body-slammed her, imitating moves used in the "Mortal Kombat" video game.

Trujillo and Roberts tried reviving the girl by putting her under running water and attempting CPR before they called her mother and paramedics, the affidavits stated. The girl died at a hospital.

An autopsy showed she had a broken wrist, more than 20 bruises, swelling of the brain, and bleeding in her neck muscles and under her spine, the affidavits said.

The witness told police that Roberts said Zoe had told them to stop wrestling. According to the affidavit, when the witness asked why they didn't stop, he responded, "I don't know; I was drunk."

Darkman?!?

No....JACKO!

Michael Jackson covered in plasters in a Las Vegas bookshop.

Tied Up At The Moment

Russian tennis star Anna Chakvetadze was tied up by masked robbers who broke into her home Tuesday and stole money and goods worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, her father said.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,317426,00.html

That's Not My Bag, Baby.

A woman who had an affair with her married dance instructor kept the remains of their love-child hidden away from a disapproving world for half a century, an inquest was told yesterday.

Gladys Mary Briggs, who gave birth out of wedlock in 1957, locked the baby's body in a suitcase and lived with it in her council flat for 50 years.

It was only discovered this year when council staff visited Mrs Briggs's home after ill-health forced her to leave. They found the remains wrapped in cloth, enclosed with a copy of a newspaper of the time.

Mrs Briggs refused to reveal the baby's identity to police and denied having given birth to him. She died three months after the discovery in January.

The boy's father, Godfrey Moorhen, now 102 and living in sheltered accommodation, has also refused to discuss the matter.

Do You Know The Muffin Man?

British Airways have suspended a cabin crew steward for eating a muffin that was discarded on a passenger's meal tray, it was reported today.

British Airways are treating the incident as theft after he was reported at Heathrow airport on Monday.

One BA worker told The Sun: "The cabin crew member on a long-haul flight took a muffin destined for the bin. "Now his career hangs in the balance. Everyone is up in arms - it is a disgusting way to treat a member of staff."

The move to suspend the worker comes after another BA flight attendant was told she could not wear a crucifix to work as it apparently contravened the company's uniform policy.

The worker added: "The staff is scared. British Airways is acting like a police state."

"Hot Rod"

A surgeon faces a disciplinary hearing for snapping a photo of a patient's tattooed genitals during an operation and showing it around to other doctors.

Mayo Clinic Hospital administrators said Dr. Adam Hansen, chief resident of general surgery, admitted taking the photo with his cell phone on Dec. 11. The tattoo on strip club owner Sean Dubowik's penis reads: "Hot Rod."

Dubowik, 27, said Hansen told him he took the picture while inserting a catheter into his penis. A member of the surgical staff made an anonymous call about the photo to The Arizona Republic on Monday.

"He told me he didn't want me to read about it in the newspaper first," Dubowik said.

Dubowik said he got the tattoo on a bet and that "it was the most horrible thing I ever went though in my life."

Reindeer Games

A coach faces charges and awaits a court date after police said he led a group of students on a lewd Christmas prank in Marietta.

Police said John Hayes, 46, loaded several middle schoolers into the back of his pickup truck, and drove them around after dark as they damaged Christmas displays.

The group even made several homeowners’ displays X-rated, police said, including placing reindeer in sexual positions.

A homeowner who did not want to be identified said he followed Hayes’ pickup truck and confronted him. “I said ‘Are you crazy?’ and he said, ‘It's just a bit of fun,’” the homeowner said.

Getting In The Spirit

A woman who was angry because her husband wanted her to turn up the heat pulled out a gun and shot their flat-screen TV while he cowered behind a pillow, Macomb County authorities say.

The 65-year-old man called 911 Sunday night from the basement of their Washington Township home, about 25 miles north of Detroit.

"My wife's got a gun. She's shooting at me," Joseph Grucz said in the recorded call. "She's all excited about it because she's so cheap," the husband said.

His wife, who had picked up another extension, told the operator she wanted to tell her side.

"I'm not going to hurt him. He has pushed me over the edge, that was all," Cheryl Grucz said. "He has had a stroke, and he's taking it all out on me."

"No I'm not," her husband said.

"Yes, he is," she told the dispatcher.

It's In There!

PREGO.

Quality. (Although Bad Quality...)

Brooks Was Here

Two jail inmates used photos of bikini-clad women to hide holes they used to escape and left behind a thank-you note, signed with a smiley face, for a guard they claimed helped them, officials said Monday.

Jose Espinosa, 20, and Otis Blunt, 32, squeezed through the openings sometime before dawn Saturday in a high-security unit of the Union County jail, jumped onto a rooftop below, and made it over a 25-foot-high fence topped with razor wire, authorities said.

The note, found in Espinosa's cell, read, "Thank you Officer ... for the tools needed. You're a real pal. Happy holidays."

Espinosa and Blunt used at least two improvised tools — a thick metal wire like those used to bind chain link fences to poles, and a 10-pound steel water shut-off wheel — to remove cinderblocks from the wall, Romankow said.

Once they landed on the railroad easement outside the fence, they ran in opposite directions, Romankow said. No blood was found.

Give And Steak

A 10-year-old Florida girl faces felony weapons charges after bringing a small steak knife to school to cut up her lunch.

School officials say the Ocala 5th grader had brought a piece of steak for her lunch, and had brought a steak knife. According to the report, a couple of teachers took the utensil and called authorities, who arrested the girl and took her to the county’s juvenile assessment center.

"She did not use it inappropriately. She did not threaten anyone with it. She didn't pull it out and brandish it. Nothing of that nature," explained Marion County School
Spokesman Kevin Christian, who added that it made no difference what the knife was being used for, they had no choice but to call police.

The girl now faces a felony charge for possessing a weapon on school property and has been suspended from school for 10 days.

"Shawn Eckardt Died A Long Time Ago..."

Brian Sean Griffith, a former bodyguard to figure skater Tonya Harding who admitted a role in the attack on her rival Nancy Kerrigan during Olympics tryouts, has died. He was 40.

Formerly Shawn Eckardt, Griffith had changed his name since the attack in an attempt to put it behind him.

Days after the attack, Griffith confessed, detailing a plan that he and Harding's ex-husband, Jeff Gillooly, had hatched. The investigation also eventually netted convictions of Shane Stant, the actual attacker, and Stant's uncle, Derrick Smith, who drove the getaway car.

"Shawn Eckardt died a long time ago," his brother, Mike Skinner, told The Oregonian. "There is no other person than Brian Griffith."

A Festivus Miracle!

The putting up of a nativity scene at Green Bay's City Hall has prompted a tongue-in-cheek request from a suburban man for permission to display a Festivus pole on the overhang of the building's northwest entrance.

The Festivus holiday created by author Daniel O'Keefe during the 1970s and popularized by comedian Jerry Seinfeld two decades later is celebrated by some both in earnest and jest on Dec. 23.

Green Bay City Council president Chad Fradette said he proposed the display in response to criticism of a nativity display at a city park in nearby Peshtigo.

A practicing Catholic who would prefer to see no religious displays at a government office, Ryan said his request to put up an undecorated six foot aluminum pole was intended to showcase how deciding what religions to include in the display can turn to the absurd.

On Friday, a Wiccan pentacle was put up at the Green Bay City Hall consisting of an evergreen wreath encircling a gold five-pointed star.

Wicca is a nature-based religion based on respect for the earth, nature and the cycle of the seasons. But variations of the pentacle not accepted by Wiccans have been used in horror movies as a sign of the devil.

Losing All Rhythm

Lee Thomas' skin is betraying him.

His once brown, even complexion is now mottled with pale patches around his eyes and mouth, along his nose and on his ears; his arms, shoulders and chest are speckled and blotched.

"I'm a black man turning white on television and people can see it," says Thomas, an anchor and entertainment reporter for the local Fox Broadcasting Company affiliate. "If you've watched me over the years, you've seen my hands completely change from brown to white."

Thomas has vitiligo, a disorder in which pigment-making cells are destroyed. White patches appear on different parts of the body, tissues in the mouth and nose, and the retina.

He uses a combination of creams and makeup to cover the growing patches of skin — which he calls devoid of color — on his face, hands and arms. Viewers, co-workers and, for years, his basketball buddies, were none the wiser.

Even though Thomas uses makeup to conceal his skin discoloration, he realized the vitiligo was becoming more obvious when he couldn't hide it from a preschooler during a story about a playground. His two-toned hands frightened the girl, who began to cry.

Golden Hilton

Paris Hilton wears nothing but a coat of gold paint in a new ad campaign for a champagne brand.

The ad for Rich Prosecco shows the socialite posing provocatively in a desert setting.

Hilton was in Berlin Wednesday to promote the drink, which comes in a can rather than a bottle. And she took the opportunity to stump for a boyfriend.

"Right now I'm single but I am looking for a nice boy," Paris told reporters. "He should be funny, smart and loyal."

Bottoms Up!

A man nearly died from alcohol poisoning after quaffing a liter (two pints) of vodka at an airport security check instead of handing it over to comply with new carry-on rules, police said Wednesday.

The incident occurred at the Nuremberg airport on Tuesday, where the 64-year-old man was switching planes on his way home to Dresden from a holiday in Egypt.

New airport rules prohibit passengers from carrying larger quantities of liquid onto planes, and he was told at a security check he would have to either throw out the bottle of vodka or pay a fee to have his carry-on bag checked as cargo.

Instead, he chugged the bottle down—and was quickly unable to stand or otherwise function, police said.

Excess Baggage

A two-year-old girl who wandered off in an airport suffered cuts and bruises after she was whisked into a baggage conveyor belt system.

The toddler walked through an empty check-in desk at Manchester Airport and hopped on to the luggage machine. She was then swept down the four-mile long tunnel of the conveyor system and trapped before being rescued by an engineer.

The girl went missing at about 6:45 p.m. last Thursday, as her parents joined the line for a flight to Islamabad in Terminal 2. The couple raised the alarm when they could not find her.

Shortly after the alert, an engineer found the child as he investigated a stoppage in the conveyor system.

Canyonero!

A Black Man's Soul

"Mecca Lecca Hi, Mecca Hiney Ho"

Two decades after you could say, "I know you are, but what am I?" to just about anyone and get a knowing laugh in return, Reubens still can't escape the character — nor does he really want to.

It's been nearly 20 years since Pee-wee appeared in a feature film all his own, 1988's "Big Top Pee-wee".

Now, if Reubens has his way, we may be on the cusp of the return of Pee-wee in the form of two feature films starring the wide-eyed perennial man-child. "I feel like the time is really ripe right now," Reubens said. "A lot of the kids who grew up with the show are young adults. The college kids are middle-aged adults. I feel like I have enough of a built-in audience to make back an investment."

http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1576172/story.jhtml

Old Man (Don't You Wish You Were Neil Young?)

I'll Take Myocardial Infarction For A Thousand

Alex Trebek, the long-time host of the popular television quiz show "Jeopardy," suffered a minor heart attack at his home Monday night.

Trebek, 67, is a native of Sudbury, Ontario. He has hosted "Jeopardy!" since 1984.

Trebek was recovering at a local hospital, and it was not clear when he would be released, a representative of the show said. He is expected to resume taping the show in January.

Prior to becoming "Jeopardy!" host, he served as emcee for a number of game shows, including "High Rollers," "The Wizard of Odds" and "Battlestars."

A White Christmas

Police yesterday were searching for Grady Dennis, 41, who they allege stuffed about 160 grams of cocaine into Christmas cards that he mailed to Philadelphia from Peru.

A U.S. Immigration Customs and Enforcement agent last week intercepted four of the cards - all written in Spanish - and notified police, Werner said.

Each card contained a large, folded Ziploc bag filled with about 40 grams of coke, Werner said. The cards read, in part, "I'm sending this card, which makes me so happy, and through it I want to express immense affection toward you."

On Monday, Werner said, Narcotics repackaged the cards and delivered them to the intended recipients.

They first wound up at the West Philly home of Jack Ferguson, 45, who has a record of drug arrests that stretch back a decade, according to court records.

Another one of the coke cards was addressed to Dennis' mother's house on Marshall Street near Chew Avenue in East Oak Lane.

A third card was to be sent to Grady Dennis' home on Michener Avenue near Wadsworth in the city's Cedarbrook section. Between Dennis' house and his mother's house, cops recovered about $10,000 worth of cocaine, three guns, $20,000 in cash and two scales, Werner said.

Don't "Fock" With The Rain Man

When a robber started taking cash from his register over the weekend, Dunkin' Donuts employee Dustin Hoffmann fought back by clobbering the man with a ceramic mug.

But Hoffmann admits he was less worried about the stolen cash than how he might look on the video-sharing site YouTube.

"What was going through my mind at that point was that the security tape is either going to show me run away and hide in the office or whack this guy in the head, so I just grabbed the cup and clocked the guy pretty hard," Hoffmann told The Record of Bergen County for Tuesday's editions.

Police said Hoffmann grabbed the man's wrists while hitting him with the mug, which is used to hold tips. Hoffmann managed to scare away the robber, who made out with just $90 and left behind a baseball cap police are holding to test for DNA evidence.

As for YouTube fame, Hoffmann said he'll put up the surveillance video himself when it becomes available.

"There are only a few videos like that on YouTube now, so mine's going to be the best," he said. "That'll teach this guy."

A Redneck Hunter With a DUI Conviction

Kimbo Slice ('Nuf Said)

An Expensive Three Fingers

A bottle of 81-year-old Scotch sold for $54,000 at this New York's first liquor auction since Prohibition.

An anonymous collector bought the pricey potable at Christie's sale of wines and spirits on Saturday.

The 100-lot auction sold a total of $304,800 worth of rare wine and liquor. The top lot was a collection of 729 bottles of whisky, which went for $102,000.

The $54,000 bottle was distilled at Macallan in Scotland in 1926, bottled in 1986 and rebottled in 2002.

Prohibition lasted from 1920 to 1933, but New York State did not allow auctions of spirits until this year.

The auction prices include Christie's 20 percent commission.

Arkansas Vice

Tre Merritt, a 5-year old descendant of Davy Crockett, was hunting with his grandfather Mike Merritt when a black bear happened upon their stand.

"His 10th great-grandfather was Davy Crockett," Mike Merritt said. "And Davy supposedly killed him a bear when he was three. And Tre is five and really killed a bear. I really doubt if Davy killed one when he was three."

"He came in about 40 to 50 yards," Mike Merritt said of the black bear, "and when he got in the open, I whistled at him and he stopped and I said, 'Shoot Tre.'"
Tre confirmed his grandfather's account.

"I said, 'Tre, you missed the bear,' " Mike Merritt said. "He said, 'Paw-paw I squeezed the trigger and I didn't close my eyes. I killed him."'

The bear turned out to be 445 pounds — 12 times the weight of Tre. Mike Merritt said tears rolled down his cheeks when he found out his grandson killed the enormous bear.

Det. Ricardo 'Rico' Tubbs could not be reached for comment….

Nicer Than Veruca Salt

Paris Hilton is being hailed as a hero after "rescuing" a little person injured as part of an Oompa Loompa act during Art Basel Miami Beach Saturday night.

The shocking accident happened during a Beacher's Madhouse performance, sponsored by Ariva, at Cameo nightclub.

According to our witness, the unruly crowd shoved performer Robin Sherwood - in full costume and orange makeup - into a metal stage support that sliced open his leg.

But only Hilton seemed to notice that Sherwood was in real trouble.

"Paris screamed for help and jumped up to move everyone away from him," says our witness.

"She held Robin's hand and said the sweetest things to keep him calm. She stayed with him until he was safely in the ambulance on his way to the hospital."

On The Campaign Trail

Sly And The Family, Stoned.

It only took a few minutes Friday night at BB King's in New York to confirm the worst about funk and R&B legend Sly Stone. That's because Stone only made it through five of what could be loosely construed as numbers before announcing he needed a bathroom break.

As recent observers have noted of Stone's failed comeback, needing to pee is code for drugs. And when that happens, the show is over. As he did when I saw him on Nov. 20 at BB Kings, Stone left the stage and did not return for some time. When he did, he was clearly in a changed mental state and, yes, sleepy.

Nevertheless, his band — led by niece Lisa — sort of woke him up by launching into one of his old hits "If You Want Me to Stay." Stone, stoned, wearing a white hooded track suit and sunglasses, actually belted out most of the number. He started another song, ironically, "I Want to Take You Higher," and then wandered off stage. That was it. Good night.

The sold-out, standing-room-only audience was not happy. One fan grabbed a mike and shouted, "You crack addict. Get back on stage. I paid $100 dollars for this ticket." It was a sad moment.

Going The Distance

Matthew McKnight hopes nobody manages to top his feat in the Guinness Book of World Records. That's because McKnight holds the record for "Greatest Distance Thrown in a Car Accident" in the book's 2008 edition.

The 29-year-old record-holder lived to tell about being thrown 118 feet by a car that hit him while traveling about 70 mph. He was struck on Oct. 26, 2001, while trying to help accident victims along Interstate 376 in Monroeville, about 15 miles east of Pittsburgh.

He suffered two dislocated shoulders plus a broken shoulder, pelvis, leg and tailbone. He spent two weeks in the hospital and 80 days in rehab before returning to work in April 2002.

McKnight's emergency room physician, Dr. Eric Brader, submitted paperwork for the record, which Guinness recognized in 2003. It was not listed in the book until the 2008 edition, however.

"I thought it was a big joke. Dr. Brader is known for joking around a lot," McKnight told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. "But when he brought (the paperwork) to me, I saw how serious he was."

Fruity Flies

A new study finds that both drugs and genetic manipulation can turn the homosexual behavior of fruit flies on and off within a matter of hours.

In fact, homosexuality in the fruit flies seems to be regulated by how they interpret the scent of another.

Homosexuality is widespread in the animal world. But scientists have long debated whether, in humans a "gay gene" exists.

In the new work, University of Illinois at Chicago researcher David Featherstone and coworkers discovered a gene in fruit flies they call "genderblind," or GB. A mutation in GB turns flies bisexual.

Post-doctoral researcher Yael Grosjean found that all male fruit flies with a mutation in their GB gene courted other males.

"It was very dramatic," Featherstone said. "The GB mutant males treated other males exactly the same way normal male flies would treat a female. They even attempted copulation."

To test this, the researchers genetically altered synapse strength, independent of GB. They also gave flies drugs to alter synapse strength. As predicted, they were able to turn fly homosexuality on and off, within hours.

Chicken Fist

This is the moment a 21-year-old man diced with death as he played on tracks as a train came hurtling towards him.

Just before 10pm on July 14th, Andrew Ogden and three friends were walking across the level crossing when Ogden stopped and stood with his arms raised in front of an oncoming train.

He jumped out of the way at the last possible moment before the Northern Rail 20.48 Manchester Airport to Blackpool service sped past at 50mph.

The driver of the train was unsurprisingly left extremely shaken and had to finish work for the night before being signed off work for a week by his doctor.

Ogden pleaded guilty to obstruction without intent and will be sentenced at Preston Crown Court on 7 January 2008.

As If His Name Wasn't Enough...

A Manhattan doorman has been suspended for having bad breath. Jonah Seeman, who has been ushering tenants into a four-building complex on East 89th Street for 40 years, was told not to come to work Friday because of halitosis.

Seeman said he has stopped eating garlic, uses mouthwash and takes breath mints on the job.

The Brooklyn resident, who supports his 81-year-old mother, has been suspended twice before for bad breath, one day in May and then again in July.

Apartment dwellers at the Gracie Gardens complex expressed surprise over Seeman's suspension and came to his defense.

"His job, which he does well, is opening the door, not to be opening his mouth," said Adam Reingold.

My Poop Front Teeth, My Poop Front Teeth

Stumped about what to give that special someone this Christmas? How about some rhino poop? The International Rhino Foundation is auctioning separately on eBay four pieces of dung from the endangered species and will use the proceeds to fund conservation efforts.

The pieces come from four of the five types of rhino: white, black, Indian and Sumatran. The Javan rhino is so rare, a sample could not be collected.

Each piece is dried, mounted in a clear trophy case and marked with the type of rhino that produced it.

The auction ends Sunday and as of Thursday afternoon bidding had been light, with the top bid for Sumatran rhino poop standing at $500. Black rhino poop was standing at $255, Indian was at $250 and white was at $122.50.

SUB-ZERO!!!

Don't Be Nervous...

Jersey Pride

Bail is set at $25,000 for a substitute teacher accused of being drunk in class in Manalapan.

School officials say fourth-grade students at Pine Brook Elementary School knew something was wrong when their substitute fell out of her chair, had trouble getting up and held her coffee mug tightly.

Students alerted the principal, who sent Mary Kaminski to the hospital Wednesday.

The 54-year-old is charged with possessing an alcoholic beverage on school property and child endangerment. Officials say the alcohol was in the mug.

Manalapan-Englishtown Regional schools Superintendent John Marciante Jr. tells the Asbury Park Press Kaminski recently had retired from another school district in New Jersey.

Just In Time For The Holiday!

"Now I'll Be Famous..."

Asshole.

"When he first came to live with us, he was in the fetal position and chewed his fingernails all the time," she said. But she said she thought he was improving, as he had gotten a job, a haircut and a girlfriend.

However, she said Hawkins and his girlfriend had broken up in the last couple of weeks, and he had taken it hard. Then he got fired from McDonald's on Wednesday.

But I thought you already were famous????

Shaun White???

or...

The Hanson Brothers???

Michelle Bruce.....Or Michael?

A transgender city council member lost a re-election bid in a runoff Tuesday after a lawsuit that claimed she tried to fool voters by running as a woman.

Michelle Bruce said that even though a judge dismissed the lawsuit the day before the vote, the suit served its intended purpose.

Bruce, 46, landed one of Riverdale's four council seats in 2003 after running unopposed. She was believed to be the state's first transgender politician. She has declined to say if she had surgery to change her gender.

Bruce captured 312 votes in the Nov. 6 election, not enough to avoid a runoff against Wayne Hall, who earned 202 votes. Third-place finisher Georgia Fuller, who collected 171 votes, filed a lawsuit.

The complaint, identifying Bruce as "Michael Bruce," claimed she misled voters by identifying herself as a female and asked a judge to rule the vote results invalid and order another general election.

Fuller's attorney, Mike King, said at the time the lawsuit was filed that the female name gave Bruce an "unfair advantage" because the town's voters tend to vote for females — particularly incumbents. King could not be reached for comment Tuesday night.

Dead In Bed

On December 4, 2007, Pimp C was found dead at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood, California, after Los Angeles County Fire Department responded to a 911 call. They arrived to his sixth floor hotel room to find him dead in bed. This was three days after he performed with Too $hort at the House of Blues in Los Angeles.

R.I.P., Pimp C.

Our Boy Moose - Makin' The Rounds...