Thursday, July 22, 2010

Tricky

Describe Yourself In 5 Words...

A legislative candidate from Wisconsin can't use a profane, racially charged phrase to describe herself on the ballot, an election oversight board decided Wednesday.

Ieshuh Griffin, an independent running for a downtown Milwaukee seat in the state Assembly, wants to use the phrase, "NOT the 'whiteman's b----.'"

But the state's Government Accountability Board voted to bar that wording, agreeing with a staff recommendation that it is pejorative and therefore not allowed.

State law allows independent candidates to have five words describing themselves placed after their names on the ballot as long as it's not pejorative, profane, discriminatory or includes an obscene word or phrase.

Griffin, who is black, argued her case to the five white, retired judges on the board that regulates elections. She said the phrase was protected free speech.

"It's a freedom of expression," she said. "It's not racial. It's not a slur."

She convinced three of the judges that the wording should be allowed, but two said it should not. One judge was absent, and Griffin needed four votes to succeed. Griffin said she intends to seek an injunction in federal court.

Board member Thomas Cane, a retired state appeals court judge, said he didn't find the wording to be "particularly offensive."

Griffin said her statement wasn't directed at any one individual but the government as a whole. The b-word was referring to a female dog that rolls over, she said.

"I'm not making a derogatory statement to a group of people or an ethnic group," she told the board. "I'm saying what I am not. Everyone I spoke with, elderly and young, understand my point of view."

The phrase was included on nomination papers Griffin circulated to get the 200 signatures needed to be on the Nov. 2 ballot. Griffin, who described herself as a "30ish" community activist, will still appear as an independent candidate.

T.P. Gun

A North Carolina man faces a felony charge after police said he shot his wife with a wad of toilet paper stuffed into a gun.

Multiple media outlets reported Wednesday that a 38-year-old man was charged with assault with a deadly weapon. Rockingham County sheriff's deputies said he shot his wife after she returned to their home after midnight on Tuesday.

Rockingham County Sheriff's Department spokesman Dean Venable told WGHP that the man loaded a black powder pistol with toilet paper, then fired the weapon at his 55-year-old wife, who was in bed.

His wife suffered a powder burn from the gunshot and was treated at a hospital.

Bridget The Midget

A Stoughton, MA, police officer is accused of leaving his beat to attend a special appearance of "Bridget The Midget," the woman billed as "the world's smallest porn star."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Camera Phone - Shown!

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It's Not Easy Being Green...
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South African Jumping Whales

A 33-foot southern right whale soared out of the water off Cape Town, South Africa, and landed on a couple's boat, destroying it. But reports indicate that the 40-ton beast was provoked into the attack -- and local officials are investigating.

The couple, Ralph Mothes and Paloma Werner, posted pictures of the incident on a Facebook page associated with their company, Cape Town Sailing Academy.

The couple detailed the incident in a post on the social networking site:

"While taking some pictures we decided to had back when a southern right whale, between 11 and 14 m long, breach about 100 meters away from us and then suddenly breach about 10 meters from us and then on us. We where sailing had no engine of so we could not even take any action. Scary!"

Mothes said his 32-foot steel boat had held up well, sustaining no no structural damage despite the massive bulk of the right whale.

Reports suggest that the couple's harassing behavior may have incited the whale, however, leading the local Department of Environmental Affairs to launch an investigation. Several people came forward to say a boat had broken the law by approaching the whale, reported one local news agency.

The couple tells a different story. Because this particular species of whale navigates by sound -- and has poor eyesight -- it may have simply not heard the sailboat, which had its motor off.

“Our boat's engine was off and so the whale just didn't know we were there," Paloma Werner told the BBC.

"We were just the wrong boat, in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Werner and her partner Ralph reportedly first saw the whale in the distance. They floated for an hour watching. "It appeared about 120 meters away from our boat and then it went under the water again,” she told the BBC.

"A few moments later, I saw it resurface just 10 meters away. Suddenly I heard my partner shout and when I looked around, I saw the huge thing breaching on to the deck.

"Instinctively, I took cover as the mast came crashing down. I saw my partner, Ralph, dive for cover behind the yacht's wheel. Then the whale slid down the side of the boat and back into the water."

Flying Donkey

Authorities in Russia are opening an animal cruelty probe into a weekend stunt on a beach in southern Russia in which a donkey parasailed high over the surf.

Amateur video footage showed men attaching a parasail harness to the trembling mule. The English-language Kremlin news channel Russia Today reported that sunbathers were distressed at the sight of the flying donkey, which brayed in fear as it glided above the bay for half an hour.

Russia Today reported the donkey was shell-shocked but survived.

Reports said the donkey flight was a promotional stunt. Employees of a leisure firm in the village of Golubitskaya on the Azov Sea could face two years in prison if they are charged and convicted of animal cruelty.

Crazy Koala

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint











When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'
The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'











So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few hits.
After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river.









The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river.
A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side.









Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'
The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink…
The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint.









The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!'
So the koala looked down at him and said, 'Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude... How much water did you drink?

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Bye Bye LiLo

The ScanWOW

All Work - All Play

Playboy Enterprises Inc. launched a website Tuesday that it swears will be safe to browse while at work, eliminating the need for men to throw themselves over their computer screen when the boss walks by.

TheSmokingJacket.com will contain none of the nudity that makes Playboy.com NSFW -- not suitable for work. Instead, it'll rely on humor to reach Playboy's target audience, men 25 to 34 years old, when they are most likely to be in front of a computer screen.

"A lot of our audience logs on (to Playboy.com) after work and we saw that we were missing a golden opportunity to reach guys when they're online the most: when they're sitting at their desk, not working, sending e-mails to their friends," said Jimmy Jellinek, Playboy's editorial director.

The site, named after one of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner's favorite pieces of clothing (silkpajamas.com was taken), won't include the long interviews or in-depth articles found in Playboy.

Among the original content visitors to the site will see is a list of signs that show a man has given up trying to attract women. They include wearing Velcro sneakers and pants with elastic waistbands -- clothing Hef wouldn't be caught dead wearing, if he thought of wearing anything but his trademark jammies.

Because "Playboy" is just the kind of word that has companies putting up firewalls to keep their workers' minds on their jobs, the only thing in the name that suggests Playboy is behind the site are the bunny ears inside the 'o' in "TheSmokingJacket."

The site will be updated continually in the hopes to get men returning throughout the work day.

Piglet

"We're Contenders Now"

"Major League," the 1989 comedy by David S. Ward that documented a rag-tag bunch of fictitious Cleveland Indians, was undoubtedly on heavy rotation in DVD players around the country this weekend.

Why? Actor James Gammon, who played the team's gravel-voiced manager Lou Brown, died at age 70 on Friday.

Actor James Gammon, known as manager Lou Brown in "Major League", died on Friday.Most of Brown's memorable lines can't be published here, but the longtime manager of the Toledo Mud Hens and -- of course -- Tire World made simple phrases like "I dunno" "Give 'em the heater" and "Shut up, Dorn!" staples of many a baseball-meets pop culture soundtrack.


Monday, July 19, 2010

Camera Phone - Shown!

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What Do YOU See?
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Paper Clone

A young German guy has a detailed ‘Instructable’ online this week that explains how you can exercise your inner narcissist and make a 3-D paper clone of yourself.

It's worth checking out if for no other reason than user ddi7i4d's wry sense of humor -- "Welcome to the chamber of paper and glue, Frankenstein Junior," he says by way of introduction. The last page includes suggestions for what to do with your new cardboard buddy.

The type of paper and glue you choose is of utmost importance, he says -- "Skip this step and your model will collapse of thin skin before you can organize a funeral."

You'll need cardboard, plenty of Elmer's, a decent-quality digital camera and printer, and some modeling/editing software; he recommends freeware for people who don't feel like buying Paint Shop Pro X.

Including the ink for your home printer, he estimates your paper clone will cost between $15-$40. Freaking out the neighbors with a gorgon-staring paper clone of yourself? Priceless.

http://www.instructables.com/id/Project-Paper-clone/

Cover Up - UPDATE!

The real story behind what happened to a Vineland woman who made up a tale about being carjacked, and then told police she was having sex with a driver when their SUV crashed, took another strange twist, authorities said Thursday.

Turns out both accounts were nothing but lies designed to cover up her role in the theft of a laptop computer that led to stealing a car and committing arson, authorities said.

The woman, 23-year-old Sara C. Blasse of Galli Drive, initially told Vineland police she broke her arm in a confrontation with an armed carjacker in Chesilhurst early Saturday morning, authorities said. Officers found her wrecked SUV abandoned on a residential street in the Camden County town, smoldering from an apparent arson.

But police said they weren't fooled by inconsistencies in her account of the carjacking, which prompted Blasse to change her story and say a male prostitute crashed her car while she gave him oral sex.

That story wasn't true either, the Camden County Prosecutor's Office announced Thursday.

Further investigation revealed Blasse and her boyfriend, 27-year-old Newtonville resident Henry Goode Jr., stole a laptop from a vehicle on Miller Street in Chesilhurst, the Prosecutor's Office said. The computer's owner witnessed the theft and called police.

The couple evaded police, but soon crashed Blasse's 2003 Kia Sorento at Atlantic and Sherman avenues in Chesilhurst, breaking Blasse's arm in the process, Prosecutor's Office spokesman Jason Laughlin said.

Blasse and Goode then stuffed paper towels into the SUV's gas tank and attempted to set it on fire but failed, Laughlin said. The couple fled in opposite directions, he said.

Goode's brother took Blasse to South Jersey Healthcare Regional Medical Center, where she told police her first of two phony explanations, authorities said.

While Blasse was at the hospital, Goode stole a van from a South Jersey Gas facility in Winslow, police said. He drove south to Atlantic County, where he abandoned the vehicle in Buena Vista -- but not before attempting, and failing, to ignite the vehicle's gas tank, the Prosecutor's Office said.

Goode then fled to his home on the 400 block of 10th Street, where he was arrested Wednesday, police said.

Blasse is charged with aggravated arson, burglary, theft, hindering apprehension by destroying evidence and filing a false report. She was released on bail Thursday.

Goode was charged with aggravated arson, burglary, theft and hindering apprehension. He was being held at Camden County Jail.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Cover Up

Police say a New Jersey woman said her vehicle was carjacked to cover up a crash because she was having sex. Sara Blasse is accused of filing a false police report.

The 23-year-old initially told police she got lost while driving in Chesilhurst on Sunday and asked a man for directions.

Police say the 5-foot-4, 300-pound woman said the man pulled her out of the car at gunpoint and threw her to the ground.

Officiers say the car, which is owned by Blasse's father, crashed into a tree and was set on fire.

Police say Blasse later admitted the crash occurred while she was giving oral sex to a man she had just picked up. She refused to identify the man, who was driving.

Shiver Me Timbers


Workers at the World Trade Center site are excavating a 32-foot-long ship hull that apparently was used in the 18th century as part of the fill that extended lower Manhattan into the Hudson River.

It's hoped the artifact can be retrieved by the end of the day on Thursday, said archaeologist Molly McDonald. A boat specialist was going to the site to take a look at it.

McDonald said she wanted to at least salvage some timbers; it was unclear if any large portions could be lifted intact.

"We're mostly clearing it by hand because it's kind of fragile," she said, but construction equipment could be used later in the process.

"We noticed curved timbers that a back hoe brought up," McDonald said Wednesday. "We quickly found the rib of a vessel and continued to clear it away and expose the hull over the last two days."

The two archeologists work for AKRF, a firm hired to document artifacts discovered at the site. They called the find significant but said more study was needed to determine the age of the ship.

"We're going to send timber samples to a laboratory to do dendrochronology that will help us to get a sense of when the boat was constructed," said McDonald. Dendrochronology is the science that uses tree rings to determine dates and chronological order.

A 100-pound anchor was found a few yards from the ship hull on Wednesday, but they're not sure if it belongs to the ship. It's 3 to 4 feet across, McDonald said.

The archaeologists are racing to record and analyze the vessel before the delicate wood, now exposed to air, begins to deteriorate.

Movie Day!

A Texas day care center is facing a state probe over allegations that it took a group of 6-year-olds to see a raunchy R-rated movie in Waco in July.

Young Expressions Childcare in the Waco suburb of Bellmead, Tex., is under investigation by the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services, a spokesman for the agency confirmed to Fox News Radio.

The children were allegedly taken by day care workers to Waco's Starplex Cinema last week to see "Death at a Funeral," a bawdy 2010 comedy that was far too gross even for most movie critics.

The Motion Picture Association of America gave the film an R rating for foul language and foul humor — and that barely scratches the surface of a movie that features corpse wrestling, psychedelic drug use, explosive diarrhea and a man's homosexual affair with a midget.

"Too much profanity, too much," said one woman walking out of the movie who told Waco's News 10 the film was inappropriate for children.

The children were originally supposed to see the film "Marmaduke," but the show was sold out.

A Meat Waterfall

Camera Phone - Shown!

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Stars and Stripes
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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

What Does It Mean!!?!!

Booby Trap

A Brazilian model living in Houston, Texas, who has the largest breasts in the world, is in the fight for her life.

After more than 30 plastic surgeries, Sheyla Hershey suffered her first complication following her most recent breast augmentation procedure in June when a severe staph infection reached both of Hershey's breasts.

Doctors took 30-year-old Hershey into surgery Tuesday morning to remove the implants, and possibly her own breasts.

Hershey said her surgeon is concerned that the infection could leak into her bloodstream, which could threaten her life.

"I had large fever and painful. I just couldn't breathe properly; it was terrible! I was in bed all day, couldn't get up," said Hershey.

In 2009, Hershey was reported to be a size 38KKK and was awarded with the Brazilian equivalent of the Guinness Book of World Records award.

Mystery - SOLVED.

British scientists believe they have found the answer to an ages-old question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Scientists cracked the puzzle after discovering that the formation of eggs is possible only thanks to a protein found in chicken's ovaries. That means eggs have to be formed in chickens first.

The protein -- called ovocledidin-17 (OC-17) -- speeds up the development of the shell. Researchers from Sheffield and Warwick universities in England laid out their findings in the paper "Structural Control of Crystal Nuclei by an Eggshell Protein."

They used a supercomputer to zoom in on the formation of an egg and realized the protein is vital in kick-starting the crystallization process. It works by converting calcium carbonate into the calcite crystals that make up the egg shell.

Dr Colin Freeman, from Sheffield University's Department of Engineering Materials, said "it had long been suspected that the egg came first -- but now we have the scientific proof that shows that in fact the chicken came first."

"The protein had been identified before and it was linked to egg formation, but by examining it closely we have been able to see how it controls the process," Freeman said.

"It's very interesting to find that different types of avian species seem to have a variation of the protein that does the same job."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Head Bangin' Good Times

Self Hate

An Orange County woman was sentenced to a year in jail for sending hundreds of threatening text messages , to herself. Prosecutors said Jeanne Mundango Manunga told police her former boyfriend and his sister-in-law were behind the threats.

Manunga was sentenced Friday in Santa Ana Superior Court. She was convicted in May of three felony counts of false imprisonment by fraud or deceit and two misdemeanor counts of making a false police report.

Prosecutors said Manunga started sending the threatening messages after she and her former boyfriend stopped dating in 2008.

Manunga also was placed on three years probation and ordered to pay about $50,000 in restitution.

Window Popping

Residents who complained about a nearly naked female store mannequin prompted police to conceal the window display and stirred a debate about obscenity.

Police covered the window at Hannah's Treasures for about a day last week after several people in the southeast Nebraska city of 12,500 complained about the mannequin with a pair of pants around its ankles and wearing shoes but no other clothing.

City Attorney Tobias Tempelmeyer said Monday he had yet to receive all the police reports on the semi-naked mannequin.

"We're not able at this point to issue a determination whether it's obscene or not," Tempelmeyer said.

The owner of the closed shop later dressed the offending mannequin in a bikini.

Store owner Kevin Kramer's lawyer, Dustin Garrison, didn't immediately respond to a message Monday, but he told the Beatrice Daily Sun that Kramer might sue over the dispute.

"Nothing about a naked mannequin constitutes obscenity," Garrison said to the Beatrice Daily Sun. "I think we've all gone into a department store and seen a naked mannequin at one point in our lives."

Kramer said the shop in Beatrice was closed because he was in the process of moving his business to Lincoln. Tempelmeyer said the dispute was resolved amicably, and that he was OK with the mannequin wearing a bikini.
BEFORE
AFTER

Phonebooth

Fatso The Croc

A man ejected from a pub in Australia broke into a zoo and climbed onto the back of a crocodile named Fatso, which bit him on the leg but then let him go. Police say they're surprised the croc didn't inflict worse damage.

The 36-year-old man, who police said had just been thrown out of a pub for being drunk, told officials he scaled the barbed wire fence surrounding the Broome Crocodile Park in remote northwest Australia on Monday night because he wanted to give the 16-foot (5 meter) Fatso a pat.

"He has attempted to sit on its back and the croc has taken offense to that and has spun around and bit him on the right leg," Broome Police Sgt. Roger Haynes said.

The saltwater crocodile then inexplicably let the man go, and he climbed back over the fence to safety, police said.

The man, who was a tourist from eastern Australia and whose name was not released, suffered some "very nasty lacerations" and was taken to a hospital, Haynes said.

"Saltwater crocodiles ... once they get hold of you, are not renowned for letting you go," Haynes said. "He's lucky to have escaped with his life."

A Bet's A Bet

A 47-year-old man's friends set his prosthetic leg on fire after he lost a drinking bet, causing him to suffer severe burns to his buttocks and lower back.

Dona Ana County sheriff's deputies found the man naked on the side of U.S. Route 70 with his prosthetic leg in flames. Deputies learned that the man and his friends were drinking Monday and bet that whoever drank the least would be set on fire.

The man told investigators that at six beers, he drank the least, and agreed to let his friends set him on fire.

He said his friends ignited his prosthetic leg, and the flames spread to his body.

The sheriff's office said the man took his clothes off because of the pain and his friends decided to take him to the hospital. But they got nervous and instead dropped him off on the side of the highway.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Mel(t) Down

An explosive audio recording which allegedly features Oscar winner Mel Gibson admitting to hitting his ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva and twice threatening to kill her was released Monday on the celebrity news site RadarOnline.com.

In the recording of a telephone conversation, the site says the enraged actor tells Grigorieva “you deserved it” after she says that he hit her and broke her teeth.

He also said “You need a f**king bat in the side of the head,” RadarOnline.com reports.

Gibson then allegedly makes what could be considered a death threat, screaming "I’ll put you in a f **kin rose garden you c**t! You understand that? Because I’m capable of it. You understand that?”

The L.A. County Sherriff’s Department has also opened an investigation into Gibson's alleged violent behavior toward Grigorieva, that will soon be heading to the district attorney's office.

“Investigators are treating this case very carefully," a source close to the investigation told FOX411.com. "They’ll be determined to nail him. It’s highly likely he’ll do time (in jail) for this if found guilty.”

Radaronline.com released another recording on Friday in which Mel Gibson is heard using a racial epithet and calling his ex-girlfriend a "whore."

That two-minute recording includes segments in which a voice sounding distinctively like the Academy Award-winner is heard telling his then-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, that she is dressing too provocatively and that it would be her fault if she were raped. He uses the N-word at one point, and the recording is laced with his profanity.

Grigorieva recorded the actor-director because she was afraid he might harm her, the website reported. The actor is heard on the recording harshly criticizing Grigorieva for the way she dresses. He accuses her of lying to him about having breast implants.
Go to RadarOnline.com for the shocking full recording.

"They just look stupid," Gibson tells her at one point in the recording. "Keep them if you want to. They look like a Vegas bitch, a Vegas whore."

"You look like a (expletive) bitch in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of (N-word), it will be your fault," Gibson is heard telling Grigorieva. "You provoked it. You are provocatively dressed."

(Star) War

The company that produces a laser device being touted in popular media as a "lightsaber" has dismissed as "strange" an order from the makers of Star Wars to cease production.

Wicked Lasers began selling the Arctic Pro Spyder III laser online earlier this year.

The laser device -- which retails for $200 -- has attracted attention due to the strength of the beam (it's 1,000 times the legal Australian limit) and its uncanny likeness to the famous Star Wars weapon.

The Spyder III is 1,000 times stronger than sunlight on the skin and can blind in a millisecond if shone into the eyes. Several videos on YouTube show people using the Spyder III and other lasers of a similar strength to burn objects, light cigarettes, pop a row of balloons and even turn off a streetlight.

However, its popularity has attracted the attention of Lucasfilm Ltd, which has now ordered Wicked Lasers to “cease and desist any use of the LIGHTSABER copyrights and trade dress by modifying the design of the Pro Arctic Laser.”

The film company also demands that Wicked Lasers insert a prominent disclaimer on everything stating that they are not associated with Lucasfilms or anything to do with Star Wars.

The legal action is apparently a reaction to the heavy media coverage the Arctic Pro has received, with most articles referring to it as a lightsaber, or “lightsaber-like.”

Mr Liu conceded that there were similarities between the two devices, namely that “they are both cylindrical, handheld, and dangerous to use without following safety protocol” but they have one important difference.

“The blue diode (of the Spyder III) is the result of decades of scientific research by laser pioneer Shuji Nakamura," he said. "The other is from the ingenious creativity of George Lucas.“

The matter is yet to be settled.

Knocked Up?

A 16-year-old girl from Australia almost died from a brain infection after a hospital refused to believe she was critically ill and told her she must be pregnant.

After being sent home with what doctors thought was a urinary infection, Kate Newton was rushed back to the hospital several days later where she suffered a heart attack. Shortly after being resuscitated, neurosurgeons had to drill a hole into the teen's skull to release pressure on her brain.

"When you have headaches, the first thing you think of is your head," Kate said. "But they tried to tell me I was pregnant, then sent me home with a urine infection. If they had admitted me they would have found what I had, but they didn't want to scan me."

The ordeal started on June 3 when Kate's mother took her to the hospital with agonizing headaches. The teen was told she must be pregnant, despite her denials.

A test revealed a urinary infection. She was given intravenous fluids and sent home with antibiotics. Two days later, Kate returned to hospital and was diagnosed with vertigo. Requests for brain scans were again refused.

On June 9 she was unable to get out of bed, balance or tolerate light. Her mother, Anne Newton, called the Royal Children's Hospital and was told to call an ambulance immediately.

A brain scan revealed Kate was at serious risk.

"It was horrible," Newton said. "Her sister Ashley rode with her in the ambulance, and saw her die. Then the neurosurgeon said, 'I have minutes to get her to surgery to save her life.’ Even after the first lot of surgery, they weren't confident that she would survive."

Kate still suffers from short-term memory loss and dizzy spells, and does not have full feeling back in her body.

'Roll'ing Along

Record-level production of Rolls-Royces is currently underway at the Goodwood plant, despite the still-recovering state of the overall global economy. Demand is so high that all of Rolls' models are sold out through "at least September."

So what does record production at Goodwood amount to? Fifteen cars a day, at present, with over 300 built in June. Rolls-Royce on the whole is doing well, too: the company is already on track to double 2009's sales in 2010.

The new Ghost is no doubt partially responsible for the uptick in demand, though the Phantom is selling strong as well. In fact, the Phantom is already sold out through October. A large portion of the new growth is coming--unsurprisingly--from China and the Asia-Pacific region.

Camera Phone - Shown!

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It's Official - Jerseylicious!
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Good Morning...