There Are NO Accidents

It's Over!

The lights of Broadway will shine brightly again after stagehands and producers reached a tentative agreement Wednesday evening, ending a 19-day strike.

Meet My Friend...

Muhammad.

Diabolical Kittens

Is That A Wang In Your Underwear?

A Penn student arrested today apparently had a very bizarre past time. The man is being accused of stealing women's underwear right out of their dorm rooms.

Philadelphia Police say the University of Pennsylvania has a classic stalker in its midst. He's a 4-year member of the undergraduate student body. He was arrested last week during his alleged second break in at a female student's living quarters in a two-day period.

Diexia Wang, a senior at the University of Pennsylvania, faces multiple charges, including burglary, criminal trespassing, harassment and theft. His alleged victims were female students at Penn. Many of them live in the residence hall where Wang lives.

Wang is a math major from Oxford, Mississippi. He is free tonight on $200,000 bail.

Half Man - Half Tree

There is just one part of this man’s massively disfigured body that isn’t ravaged with gnarled tree-like growths.

And today there’s a glint of hope in Dede’s clear brown eyes, because his 20-year nightmare could be coming to an end.

Dede’s grotesque limbs are caused by a virus and rare immune system disorder, but Dr Gaspari believes they’ll disappear with a high dosage of Vitamin A.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/real_life/article516015.ece

Hungry?

Doctors have removed a 10-pound hairball from the stomach of an 18-year-old woman, the New England Journal of Medicine reported last week.

The woman had gone to the doctor because of vomiting, abdominal pain and weight loss. Doctors said she also suffered from a condition called trichophagia, or the compulsive eating of hair.

The Chicago doctors surgically removed the 15-inch-long, 7-inch-wide mass, which was taking up most of the room in her stomach.

The journal reports that a year after surgery, the woman is pain-free and no longer eating her hair.

Lil'Bit

A two-faced cat is still doing well seventh months after its owner was told it wouldn't survive.

When Lil'Bit was born his owner, an unidentified Arizona woman, called an animal shelter and was told not to expect him to survive, the Daily Mail reported.

'I got him a heating pad and started feeding him every 15 minutes from an eye-dropper," the woman told the Daily Mail. "I fed him like that for two or three months before starting him on proper cat food."

Lil'Bit's owner told the Daily Mail doctors think there is a good chance the cat has two brains, but no X-rays have been done to confirm it. She is afraid the stress of tests would upset him.

The 47-year-old woman said she almost dropped the cat when she saw it had two faces.
"The kittens were born underneath my computer table," she told the Daily Mail.

Thanksgiving

Give Me....A Keg....Of Beer.

A man who was upset with his wife for not buying beer took vengeance by shooting one of the family's two pet goats, prosecutors say.

The complaint said Mischler came home Saturday from hunting and became angry with his 22-year-old daughter for letting the goats out and making a mess. While she was talking on the phone to her mother, authorities said, he told her to tell his wife to bring home some beer, but his wife refused.

He then threatened to shoot the goats, according to the complaint.

After his wife arrived home with no beer, she and the daughter heard four gunshots and went outside and found one of the two goats with its entrails hanging out.

Yes, People. Yes.

Sweet Schlossberg!

Neil Diamond held onto the secret for decades, but he has finally revealed that President Kennedy's daughter was the inspiration for his smash hit "Sweet Caroline."

"I've never discussed it with anybody before — intentionally," the 66-year-old singer-songwriter told The Associated Press on Monday during a break from recording. "I thought maybe I would tell it to Caroline when I met her someday."

He got his chance last week when he performed the song via satellite at Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg's 50th birthday party.

Diamond was a "young, broke songwriter" when a photo of the president's daughter in a news magazine caught his eye.

"It was a picture of a little girl dressed to the nines in her riding gear, next to her pony," Diamond recalled. "It was such an innocent, wonderful picture, I immediately felt there was a song in there."

Years later, holed up in a hotel in Memphis, he would write the words and music in less an hour.

Nude Gertrude

A 102-year-old British woman has decided she isn't too old to be a pinup — and a naked one at that.

Nora Hardwick is Miss November in a nude calendar done to raise money for the local football team, the Ancaster Athletic in Ancaster, Lincolnshire, England.

Don't worry: The 1905-born great-great grandma is swathed in a filmy petal pink scarf and is strategically positioned behind the beer taps at the Ermine Way pub in town, so it's almost impossible to tell she's standing there in the buff.

"They draped a bit of pink cloth around my shoulders, but at my age I just don't have the model body to be taking it all off," she told The Telegraph, a U.K. newspaper. "It was all very tastefully done. You couldn't see any of the bits or anything."

Her children, who are 80, 74 and 62 have been supportive of their mum baring all for a good cause, she said.

The Slow Jerk

I Fucking Hate My Job

The Reason For Pitt's Sunday Win Over Cleveland

Don't Leave The Fridge Door Open!

A morbidly obese woman was found dead in her Staten Island apartment - sprawled in front of her open refrigerator - with the body of her overweight son in the next room.

The decomposed bodies of Doris Newsome, 63, and Martin Newsome, 34, were found in their Silver Lake home Tuesday morning and are believed to have died of natural causes.

She was lying near her empty oxygen tank in front of the refrigerator, and he was in a rear bedroom, cops and neighbors said.

Officials yesterday were still trying to ascertain who died first and when the deaths occurred.
"It was the two of them, all the time - they never had any visitors or friends come by," he said. "They had a very good relationship."

Deion~ Workin' It - "Must Be The Money"

Looking For A Prince

A 21-year-old man has been accused of using a toad to get high.

Clay County sheriff's deputies said David Theiss, of Kansas City, possessed a Colorado River toad with the intention of using it as a hallucinogenic.

Experts said it's possible to lick the toad's venom glands to achieve psychedelic effects.

"People used to do it all the time, but it got faded out awhile, but came back as a fad. Not a smart one," animal expert Danny Snyder told KMBC's Dion Lim. "The toxins in it can kill a lot of stuff."

Theiss was released on bond, yet the toad remains in custody at a police crime lab.

The Monkees

Hanuman, The Monkey God

Just weeks after the Indian capital's deputy mayor toppled to his death fighting off a pack of monkeys, the animals are back on the attack, sparking fresh concerns about the simian menace.

"There were about three or four monkeys involved," deputy police commissioner Jaspal Singh told AFP.

"Wildlife officials are trying to find them. As police we're not experts in dealing with monkeys. We can deal with mad bulls but monkeys are more difficult," he said.

Trouble boiled over in late October when the city's deputy mayor, Sawinder Singh Bajwa, 52, fell to his death driving away monkeys from his home. He was on his balcony reading a newspaper when four monkeys appeared, his family said. As he waved a stick to scare them away, he tumbled over the edge and died in hospital from head injuries.

The monkeys appeared late Saturday and rampaged for hours. "I was talking to someone at my door at around 11 pm when a monkey appeared," Naseema, who goes by one name, told the Times of India. "As I moved inside, the monkey followed and sank its teeth in my baby's leg."

Animal control officials often use langurs, which are bigger and fiercer monkeys, to scare away the smaller macaques or drive them into cages.

Efforts to drive out the animals are complicated by the fact that devout Hindus view them as an incarnation of Hanuman, the monkey god who symbolizes strength. Killing them is unacceptable.

"It Was...It Was Gone"

Residents of a sleepy Florida town have been hearing screeches in the night and stories of sightings echo on every corner.

"There is kind of that 'I've seen a bigfoot' type of feel to it," said resident Eric Lawson. "They said it made a nest in that tree, so it's probably somewhere here in the area."

Some believe the mysterious animal is an orangutan -- one local family had found what looked to be an orange ape up high in a tree.

The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission investigator who answered the original complaint call on the orange ape said there was definitely something up in the top of the tree, but he really couldn't be sure what it was.

He said he took a pack of jelly donuts and left it at the bottom of the tree, hoping to lure the creature to the ground. He said he hasn't heard anything since.

"The next morning, the people came out and it was, it was gone," Lawson said.

Two Heads Are Better Than None

A Mozambican woman has given birth to a baby boy with two heads (not pictured here), hospital officials said on Monday.

However a neighbor of the family, who live in the Magoanine neighborhood of Maputo, said that the second head was attached to the infant's abdomen.

"It is a male baby, with two heads, one of which is situated in the abdominal area," described Mario Ntembe, who said he had seen the newly born child.

Ntembe said that the second head had two eyes, two ears, a mouth and nose, but they were apparently not functioning.

Love Doctor

A doctor at UMass Memorial Medical Center has been charged with soliciting sex from an undercover Worcester, Mass., police officer who was posing as a prostitute.

But Dr. Peter Rice said he is not guilty and was only "gathering information" when he was arrested Saturday. He told the Telegram & Gazette that he is a specialist in infectious diseases and researches sexually transmitted diseases.

Rice offered the undercover female officer $40 for sex, police said. His arrest came as part a two-day prostitution sweep in the Main South section of the city.

The 65-year-old Rice is a professor at the University of Massachusetts Medical School and has published dozens of articles about infectious diseases.

He's scheduled for arraignment Wednesday in Central District Court.

"Earth Set"

The new Earth-rise image shows our blue world floating in the blackness of space.

Released Tuesday, it is a still shot taken from video made by the craft's high-definition television (HDTV) for space.

A second image, taken from a different location in the lunar orbit, has been dubbed "Earth-set." A related series of still images shows our planet setting beyond the lunar horizon.

In the Earth-set image, Earth appears upside-down; visible are Australia and Asia. A region near the moon's south pole is seen in the foreground.

The footage was taken Nov. 7 using equipment provided by the Japan Broadcasting Corporation.

Trying To Fit In...

St. Johns County deputies recently launched an investigation into what they called one of the strangest accidents they've ever seen when a man was found dead after getting stuck in a cat door.

Investigators said 32-year-old Charles Tucker Jr. was using the cat door early Saturday morning as a way to get back into his girlfriend's St. Augustine home after the woman kicked him out.

Deputies said several hours after his girlfriend told him to leave she found him stuck in the cat door.

"He's a big guy. I don't even know how he could fit through there," Elliot said. "Probably to get in and unlock the door. They said he had one arm through there and his head was caught in there like he was to reach up and unlock the door because there's no way he could fit through there."

Larry Pierce - "Everytime I Shit"

What A Headline!

Sounds like a nice weekend...

Double Duce

Road House, you say?

Naw...just my Mondays- after a long weekend of drinking and eating.

Cheers!

Mr. Big (Not O'Leary...)

It's A.........Hasselbeck!

Television talk show host Elisabeth Hasselbeck has given birth to a son, ABC announced Saturday.

How Could I Not Post This?

Selling (Everything) Out

Eight months ago, James Gandolfini drove his white SUV out of the parking lot of Satriale's for the last time, as HBO wrapped up the final season of "The Sopranos." Now, the building has followed the same fate as the popular show. It's gone.

Nine condo units will replace the former storefront. The project is called "The Soprano", and prices range from $325,000 to $385,000. Construction is expected to start in the spring and would be finished in about a year.

Now that Satriale's has been demolished, Costeira has been using the Internet to hawk chunks of cast stone from the facade. He said he's already sold about 1,000 pieces in two sizes, for $25 and $50, to fans as far away as Ireland and New Zealand.

Instead of the fake pork store, which was always shuttered, you can take a trip to the Holsten's, a real-life Bloomfield ice cream parlor where the series' final scene was filmed. "They now sample onion rings at Holsten's, and sit in the booth that Tony sat in," Baron said.

The Return of LOST? Jacob?

A thick plume of black smoke covered the sky over London Monday as blaze broke out in a disused warehouse on the site of the 2012 Olympics. Fire crews were investigating the cause, but it was not thought to be terror-related.

Go Temple!

Ham Wallet

Burnt Ham Wallet:

Nickname for a used up, old, leathery, vision of a female genital unit.

"Hey Brian, did you know I fucked your mom last night and she had some burnt ass ham wallet? I mean, I know she's sixty one, but your dad has a little pecker, so I didn't think her ham wallet would be so burnt."

I'm A Lot Like You...

If It's Yellow, Let It Mellow - If It's Brown, Flush It Down

Earlier this week, crews put up signs in the University of Georgia's bathrooms asking people not to flush "if it's yellow" and to leave the handle-pulling to attendants, who will do the job for the estimated 93,000 people at Saturday's game.

It's part of the university's "Every Drop Counts" water conservation effort in the drought that's struck Georgia and much of the Southeast.

The university is considering replacing all of the stadium's old toilets, which use 3.5 gallons of water per flush, with new ones that use less than half that amount, 1.6 gallons, per flush, said Arthur Johnson, associate athletic director for internal operations.

But two old-fashioned trough urinals that have constant running water will be open beneath the west end stands during the game against Troy University. "We've got a lot of fans in that area that would need to use the restroom and it would be impractical to ask them to go to another part of the stadium," he said.

Panda Sneeze

Sneeze

You've Been A Naughty Boy

The pupil's mum had ordered an agency to give her son a "surprise" on his 16th birthday - and the teacher had even agreed to film the prank.

But it all went wrong when the unnamed company sent a stripper dressed as a policewoman instead of a "gorilla-gram" - in what it called a booking error.

One witness told reporters: "She asked the lad to stand up, which he did, and told him he had been a very naughty boy because he hadn't been doing his homework.
"Then she put on some Britney Spears music and got out a collar from her bag and told him to put it on."

After walking the boy round the classroom and spanking him with a whip - the action turned even more blue.

"She took off some clothes until she was down to her bra and pants, pulled out some cream, put it on her buttocks and told him to rub it in," the source said.

It was at that point the shocked teacher - who had not been told what the surprise was - called an end to the show.

Panic Room

Kerri and Jason Brown discovered a secret room behind a bookcase containing a homeowner's worst nightmare, mold. Also in the room was a handwritten note: "You found it!" What the Browns found was a mold problem so serious the previous owner was forced to move, according to the note.

Fearing their young daughter's health, the Browns hired an environmental engineer who detected high levels of several types of mold, including a black mold fungus called Stachybotrys.

"It terrified me," Kerri Brown told WYFF-TV in Greenville. "I had heard reports of what it does for children, and I was terrified."

The Browns said a home inspection done before they bought it did not include a mold test.

The Browns filed a lawsuit claiming Century 21 Flynn & Youngblood, real estate agent Sue Bakx and Fannie Mae knew about the mold.

"Beijing Welcomes You!"

The upcoming Beijing Olympics is more than just a point of pride for China, it's such an important part of the national consciousness that nearly 3,500 children have been named for the event, a newspaper reported Sunday.

Most of the 3,491 people with the name "Aoyun," meaning Olympics, were born around the year 2000, as Beijing was bidding to host the 2008 Summer Games. The vast majority of people named Aoyun are male, the newspaper said. Only six live in Beijing.

Names related to the Olympics don't just stop with "Olympics." More than 4,000 Chinese share their names with the Beijing Games mascots, the "Five Friendlies."

The names are Bei Bei (880 people), Jing Jing (1,240), Huan Huan (1,063), Ying Ying (624) and Ni Ni (642). When put together, the phrase translates to "Beijing welcomes you!"

Date Grape

Australian officials ordered a popular Chinese-made children's toy pulled from the shelves after scientists found it contained a chemical that converts into a powerful "date rape" drug when ingested.

Three children have been hospitalized over the past 10 days after swallowing beads from Bindeez, named Australia's toy of the year at an industry function earlier this year.

The beads in the toy, sold by Australia-based Moose Enterprises, are arranged into designs and fuse together when sprayed with water.

Scientists say the beads contain a chemical that the human body metabolizes into the so-called "date rape" drug gamma hydroxy butyrate. When eaten, the compound — made from common and easily available ingredients — can induce unconsciousness, seizures, drowsiness, coma and death.

Moose Enterprises could not immediately be reached for comment.

Michelle!

A 600-pound cow landed on a moving minivan outside of Seattle on Sunday.

The cow, named Michelle, apparently fell 200 feet from a cliff onto the vehicle.

Both the driver and passenger of the van were shaken but not hurt.

Michelle was just 1 year old and had been reported missing by a local breeder.

The cow was injured so badly she was euthanized at the scene.

Personal Chris Kelly

Poop High

The Collier County Sheriff's Office in Tampa, Fla., recently released a bulletin warning of a new drug threat in America — jenkem — made by fermenting human feces and urine and huffing the gas produced.

"We wouldn't classify it as a drug so much because it's feces and urine," said Garrison Courtney, a spokesman for the Drug Enforcement Administration in Washington, D.C.

"You've pretty much hit the bottom of the barrel if you're experimenting this," he added.

Internet pundits were quick to jump on the intelligence briefing, noting that the photos and descriptions of the high jenkem produced came from "Pickwick," a contributor to the Web site Totse.com, who later admitted his "use" of jenkem was faked using flour, water, beer and Nutella.

"I never inhaled any poop gas and got high off it," he wrote on Sept. 24. "I have deleted the pictures, hopefully no weirdo saved them to his computer. I just don't want people to ever recognize me as the kid who huffed poop gas."

F The Bee Movie - This Is Great!

Killer Cookies

Two students at Southern Illinois University in this St. Louis suburb kidnapped, paddled and burned a young man with freshly baked cookies after a drug deal went bad, prosecutors alleged.

Sheriff's Capt. Brad Wells said that Friday night, three men went to James' house to buy marijuana, but two of grabbed the drugs and fled, leaving the third behind. The suspects held that man, who is in his late teens, and told him he needed to find $400 for the drugs, Wells said.

The suspects beat the man with a wooden paddle, burned his neck and shoulders with cookies immediately after taking them from the oven, shaved off some of his hair and poured urine over him from a soda bottle, Wells said.

Hours later, Wells said, the victim managed to escape and call police after the suspects drove him to a house in trying to get money for the drugs.

Vishnu?

Doctors began operating Tuesday on a 2-year-old girl born with four arms and four legs in an extensive surgery that they hope will leave the girl with a normal body, a hospital official said.

Chipotle

I Got Tooth Pain - You Dig?

A dentist was dancing to a song on the radio while drilling on a woman's tooth, and she wound up in the hospital when the drill bit snapped off and lodged near her eye.

Brandy Fanning said she went to the center's emergency dental clinic after pain in a left molar started getting worse. With a root canal ruled out as an option, Trusty gave her some Novocain and began drilling to break up the tooth before extracting it, she said.

As Trusty drilled, he was "performing rhythmical steps and movements to the song `Car Wash,'" which was on the radio, according to the lawsuit. Then, Fanning heard a snap.

Trusty tried to use a metal hook to pull the bit out, but that only pushed it farther up, driving it through the sinus and bone near her eye socket, the lawsuit alleged.

She claimed he had initially told she would likely sneeze the drill bit out, but doctors said later that if she really had sneezed, the drill bit could have blinded her left eye.

Bonsai!

A woman died and a man was knocked unconscious, apparently after the woman leaped from the roof of a department store in Tokyo and landed on the man, police said Tuesday.

Police said a passerby found the man and woman collapsed and bleeding on the road in front of the Ikebukuro Parco department store in Tokyo's Toshima-ku at about 1 p.m. on Tuesday, and alerted police.

The woman, believed to be a 25-year-old unemployed Tokyo resident, was confirmed dead soon afterwards. The man, who is thought to be a 37-year-old resident of Chiba Prefecture, remains unconscious in serious condition.

Ikebukuro Police Station officials said the woman's shoes were found on the roof of the Parco building, leading them to suspect that she had jumped to her death and landed on the man. It is common in Japan for people to remove their shoes before committing suicide.

50/50

Domestic Relations Court Judge James Michael Shull who ordered a woman to drop her pants and decided a custody dispute by flipping a coin was unanimously removed from the bench by the Virginia Supreme Court on Friday.

According to the court, Shull admitted tossing a coin to determine which parent would have visitation with a child on Christmas. The pants-dropping incidents occurred when a woman was seeking a protective order against a partner who she said had stabbed her in the leg. Shull knew the woman had a history of mental problems and insisted on seeing the wound, the court said.

The woman dropped her pants once to display the wound, then dropped them a second time after Shull left the bench for a closer look to determine whether the woman had received stitches.

A court bailiff testified before the commission that after the hearing, he asked Shull, "Did you see what that lady had on?" According to the bailiff, Shull replied: "Yeah, a black lacy thing ... it looked good, didn't it?"

Got Milk?

A woman who doesn't want her breast milk to go to waste has taken out a newspaper ad in hopes of selling it. Martha Heller, 22, of Tiffin, took out the ad in The Gazette, offering 100 ounces of her breast milk for $200 or the best offer.

Heller said her freezer is overflowing with breast milk that she has pumped since August. Her 4-month-old daughter won't drink from a bottle and the supply is piling up.

Heller now donates to the University of Iowa's Mother's Milk Bank, but the 100 ounces of milk she wants to sell was pumped before going through the screening process for the bank and cannot be donated.

Heller said she researched laws regarding the sale of breast milk and couldn't find any in Iowa.

Don McCormick, a spokesman for the Iowa Department of Public Health, said he was not aware of any laws in Iowa restricting the sale of breast milk, but that state health officials advised against it.

Pure Cambodian Breast Milk

A Way Of Life

In A Pickle

According to police reports, the pickle problems began when Bobby Lee Bolen of Buchanan was hanging out at his then-friend Jody Lee's home in Buchanan on Aug. 20.

Bolen went to the refrigerator and helped himself to some pickles. According to the report, Lee told Bolen he couldn't afford to feed everyone and not to eat his pickles. Bolen then began yelling and swearing and stormed out, according to the report.

Later, Bolen barged back into the house and got into an argument with Lee. Lee told police Bolen slammed him down on the couch and threw two large pickles at him and said, "Here's your damn pickles."

Defense attorney Robert Lutz said alcohol appeared to be at the root of Bolen's problems.

Does Anyone Else Hate This Guy As Much As Me?

Shia LaBeouf

Don Vito

Yelling "just kill me now" and falling over onto the ground, Vincent "Don Vito" Margera could not contain himself on Wednesday when a jury delivered a split verdict of guilty on two counts of sexual assault on a child.

Margera had been accused of groping three young girls — one 14-year-old and two 12-year-olds — at an autograph signing at a Colorado mall in August 2006 during which they lined up to have their photos taken with the former car painter.

During the two-week trial, his attorney had argued that Margera's vulgar, obnoxious actions were part of his outrageous "Don Vito" persona. Prosecutor Jim Stanley countered that argument, according to the Rocky Mountain News, saying, "this man was out of control during this public event. He was so intoxicated that he peed his pants while with these children."

As the first guilty count came down, Margera "fell or threw himself backwards and hit the ground, making a loud noise, causing some furniture to fly." There were a number of sheriff's deputies on hand, and four of them immediately rushed over to check on Margera. As they approached, Russell said Margera yelled out, "you might as well kill me now," as well as, "I can't f---ing spend the rest of my life in jail," "you cops lied" and "you can rot in f---ing hell!"

Itchy Trigger Paw

A hunter is recovering after he was shot in the leg at close range by his dog, who stepped on his shotgun and tripped the trigger, an official said Tuesday.

James Harris, 37, of Tama, was hit in the calf Saturday, the opening day of pheasant season, said Alan Foster, a spokesman with the Iowa Department of Natural Resources.

"He had surgery and is doing pretty well," he said. "He took between 100-120 pellets in about a 4-inch circle to his calf."

Harris was hunting with a group about three miles north of Grinnell. The group shot a bird, and when Harris went to get it, he put his gun on the ground and crossed a fence. As he crossed the fence, his hunting dog stepped on the gun, Foster said.

Let Me Just Fix This Banner....